Behind the scenes at a wOw booking meeting!

[Reflecto]

(INT. The booking offices of wOw, starring head bookers (otherwise known as: Harry Potsmoker, Jared Steele, HeartBurnKid, Kevin Killgore, Brandon Downard, Greg Burch, with wOw off-screen owner Robbie Richter...)

HP: "I'm just saying, Jared, you might need to revamp Hand Maid Mully's gimmick- you know how hard it is for her to bump with that damn giant key on?!"
JS: "Listen Tom, I said I was sorry, but we can't just flush the gimmick..we owe it to our fans to stay consisitent!"
HBK:"BWAHAHA!!!!"
JS:"What the hell's so funny, Chris?"
HBK:"That's like the captain of the Titanic saying he owed it to his passengers to finish the trip!"
JS: "At least i'm booking! when's the last *BEEP*ing time Greg came to one of thse damn meetings?!"
JS: "the guy's making talent job to him from Albania to Zimbabwe just to stroke his and Joey's damn egos!
BD:"Back off, Jared....just back off"
JS: "No offense, brandon, but.....This from the guy who put his best friend in angle with Kevin hayes' mom!"
BD: "That was an actess and you know it!"
HP "Yeah, an actress in 'quasi-independent films' for crack money that she stole from Kev's checks..."
Richter: "guys, let's not blow up the boardrooom over this......"
Jared:"Rob's right, guys......somehow we got into this huge fight from discussing Mully's gimmick.....how the hell did we let that happen?"
KK:"Um...Joey and Brandon got into Tom's 'stash'...oh, wait, you're talking the fight, not the gimmick..."
BD: "HEY! I do not do drugs!"
KK: "This from the guy who hired Hellwig?"
BD: "hey, he's a legend, and we were struggling....we needed the publicity, and now we can't get rid of him! Not my fault...unlike this guy, who insisted on hiring the ring rat he couldn't keep his eyes off of!"
JS: "Leave Missy out of this!"
HP:"Leave...wait a minute, how many did I get on the payroll again...well, anyways..."
HBK: "Look, I thimk the problem is tom's head booker..i led the MBWF for 3 years, and...."
JS: "Yeah, straight into collapse!"
HBK: "yeah, and when you couldn't motivate yourself to book, who led this company, week, after week after week? H! B! K!"
HP: "At least we run for stuff..."
JS: "...Yeah, you ran straight out to Hollywood with our ideas and keep wOw teetering!"
HP: "I was the top star here while you were invading with your buddies, and this clown was running around impersonating steven *BEEP*ing Richards!"
GB: "Yeah, yeah, All Hail Harry Potsmoker- the guy who got the mega-push through skill, talent, and the fact that his girlfriend's father bought wOw a few months before his Jesus push started..."
RR: "Hey, leave me out of this!"
JS: "Hey, the Redemprtion Crew was one of our top gimmicks at the time! Plus, I signed our top tag team after I came here!"
KK: "Oh yeah, you and your exalted Katropolis brothers....two greek superhosses with no mic skill running around in togas! how that got over I'll never know!"
JS:"Hey, you're just angry because the Men From Greece stole your boys the So-Cals' push..."
KK: "Still..."
GB:"Have you EVEN booked for us?"
KK: "They love me in Tokyo...."
Steele: "yeah, they also love mechanical schoolgirls in Tokyo!"
BD: "...mmm...mechanical schoolgirls..."
JS: "QUIET, Brandon!"
RR: "where did we even get that damn machine?"
HP: "i think washu's repsonsible"
BD:
how could she have built the thing if we needed it to get her here?!"
RR: "Wait- I found the receipt for it- apparently, it was on sale from Acme..."
HBL: "Speaking of cartoons..Chris Freestone?! Were you high?!'
JS: "hey, it's Chris Freaking freeman....should we care?!"
Richter: "anyways.about the Dexter Hart push..."
Steele: "yeah, we should push him..out a damn window!"
KK: "What is your problem with Dexter Hart?"
HBK: "Hey, Dexter's a good worker..."
BD: "Oh, come on- did he give you the Sylvain Grenier Special for this push, Chris?"
HBK: "Um ...uh...no comment..."
JS: "and for the record, my problem with Dexter hart is he didn't want me dating his twin sister.......so he impersonated her on the employee message board!"
JS: "HE SCREWED WITH MY HEAD, GUYS!"
HP: "Jared...let the damn thing go......."
KK: "Oh, come on...like you couldn't take Dexter Hart out if needed? Besides, it's no biggie- everyone else in the room had Diamond...she's nothing special..."
GB: "Wait...I didn't..."
HP: "Well, Burch, that's because you weren't here, remember?"
JS: "Yeah, what's next, Greg? you and Joey heading to the vatican to make the Pope job to you? Or are you plowing straight thorugh him and making God do the J-O-B?!"
GB: "That's still to be determined...and speaking of egos, you're the one who had to make his own
personal supervillain to best!"
JS: "Hey,the fans are eating up the Phantom angle!"
BD: "Oh, come on...that guy's deserved a push for years, and he's running with the ball well- unlike SOMEONE who put his dirty laundry out on wOw TV..."
HP: "Hey! The fans are eating up my feud too..."
HBK:"Sure...'oh, poor Tom! The unwritten rule of wOw is that the road for a Diva here goes through my pants, but when my girlfriend sleeps with another guy while I'm off in Hollywood trying to get movie roles instead of working wOwfed like the HEAD BOOKER'S SUPPOSED TO, it's the end of the world!"
HP: "You're asking for a depush, aren't you HBK? Besides, at least I haven't declared war on the FCC!"
BD:"Yeah, Jared...why the hell did you rehire Servo, anyway? I thought we agreed he was blackballed from wOwfed following his support of the union..."
JS: "He.... threatened..... to..... sue! Breach of contract or some s--t"
RR: "Oh, come on, now- our lawyers could have gotten us out of it: Remember when Aceysimba threatened the same thing, and we got it thrown out?"
JS: "besides, I stuck him in a midcard comedy gimmick anyway..although Fred's got charisma coming out of his ears, and he plays his character like a genius!"
HP: "Yeah, but come on- that's what you said about all your findings: Remember King Arthur Pendragon? We gave him one of Robbie's kids as a manager, and he STILL hasn't gotten out of ACW!"
HBK: "Don't forget that Lois Guerrero woman- honestly, why we still have her on payroll's beyond me..."
JS: "Chris...three words for you: Martian. Lounge. Singer. What the hell were YOU thinking that night?"
HBK: "Well, it's better than making Nathan Jones an Australian Martian Manhunter..."
JS: "Oh, because it's SOOO much better than making him a Milkman..."
HP: "It's the f--king Colossus of Sucko Road! Should the gimmick matter? You were THIS close to signing him!"
RR: "Hey- we have a lot of money, he's a former WWE guy, I heard he was willing to work for us..."
JS: "Brainstorm, guys! Nathan Jones: The Colossus of Dusty Rhodes!"
HBK: "Jared, that's worse than Hand Maid Mully!"
HP: "Besides, Rhodes is working for TNA- we can't get ahold of him... or do you want the Jarretts pissed at us too?
JS: "No no, Tom you were wrong, chris was right...it's an impression gimmcik
KK: "It STILL sucks!"

[Reflecto]

RR: "Well, who cares? The Jarretts steal virtually everyone wOw tries to sign. They stole Essa, they stole Viscera, they stole New Jack- they even jumped the gun on us and snatched up Alex Shelley when we were that close! Screw the Jarretts!"
GB: "Gee, who'd think a Magical Girl, a Gay Rapist, and a Psychic would be THAT desperate to get out of their contracts?"
JS: "By the way tom, i still haven't gotten the guts to IM Zach with what you had planned for him!"
HP: "Hey- Kids in the Hall is Ratings, okay! Cancer Boy=GOLD!"
JS: "not when he really had cancer, you moron! that'd go down faster than your sister on Nastya!"
(room goes quiet)
JS: "Whoa....sorry, I went too far"
HP: "Hey, it's no biggie- how do you think we were willing to give that glorified rat a contract?"
GB: "Speaking fo which, I heard she's roomiogn ont he road with the Katropolis brothers"
HBK: "Wait..Nick AND Steve?"
KK: "Well, it's better than I heard of Nastya's previous rooming...before she came here, she roomed with the New England Patriots- the WHOLE team..."
BD: "Big deal, I heard they couldn't open a McDonald's is Kiev cause she already had a sign saying 'Over 3 Billion Served'"
JS: "And yet, none of us has apparently had her..."
HP: "But who'd WANT to among us?" (laughs)
Richter: "well, it sems we're back on the same page....."
HP: "Yep- all in all, a good booking meeting, everyone..."
JS: "yeah,for the Jerry Springer Show"
HBK: "you mean the place Tom gets half his ideas?!"
HP: "Hey, I'm breaking new ground here..."
JS: "...that's only been broken in EVERY federation that can get a halfway attractive guy and a crackwhore on their roster..."
"Cocaine's a hell of a drug..."
HP: "Wait a minute...Who let the ghost of Rick James in here?"
RJ'sG"Sorry...looking for places to haunt...I'm DEAD, bitch!"
(Suddenly and for no apparent reason, Jimmy Jacobs runs into the room): "GETOUTOFMYHEAD!!!!!" (Becky Bayless runs in, glomps him, and they run out...)
BD: "See, THIS IS WHY we told Tom to stay here instead of going to Hollywood..."
KK: "Spekaing of Hollywood, why is the only graduate of the Bollea school of wrestling still on our roster?"
GB: "Blame Downard"
HP: "Hey, I'm bound to break out soon, and then the whole of wOw will be mainstream!"
JS:"I doubt it- Robbie can't buy a movie studio..."
GB: "Damn Anti-Life Corporation.more like Anti-talent corporation"
KK: "Czibo, Focker, Babs Viccenelli, AND Sugarman!"
RR: "Hey, they're talented- Matthews has nothing but potential..."
GB: "Yeah, I thought so too...TWO YEARS AGO..."
HBK: "Beisdes, you're the one who let Focker's no-talent boyfriend in here...Kev still has nighmtares about the anal Explosion match!"
KK: "It was MY idea, numbnuts!"
JS: "Well, Domo Aregato, Mr. Sellout-O- The minute you get the big belt, you threatened to take it to Japan, and we have to toss it on Matthews, just so I could pick it up off of him cause you wouldn't job to me!"
KK: "I was a Death Eater..you're A cannonballer, you'lll always be second rate. Besides, I worked my way up from jobbing- you just made friends with Potsmoker and shot up the card."
BD: "This from Egomonster I-I-I over here"
GB: "Yeah, you and the head booker's brother were so full of yourselves, you called yourselves 'Divine'!"
KK: "the name came from the office and you know it!"
Brandon: "Can we PLEASE go on to something more important..like the ALC?"
JS: "Oh yeah, your pack of sycophants? Veccenelli only made it in here cause you were dating at the time"
HP: "Why DO you keep pushing these guys? We put our four top prospects in the ALC, and they're STILL not over, Downard..."
BD: "So? No one goes against Goddard hiring all his little girlfriends..."
HP: "THEY CAN WORK, Downard..."
GB: "Temrinal Velocity are....."
KK"...Just the latest spotmonkey Hardy clones who should be curtain jerking for yardtards!"
GB: "Hey- those guys were massively over in ACW..."
KK: "So was Apocalypse, and that guy crippled someone in wOw!"
JS: "one word, Killgore: MANDI"
HP: "Two words, Steele: MELISSA HARDESKI"
KK: "Hey, at least Missy has some charisma..."
JS: "Oh, come on, Tom. I was just following rules similar to your rules of hiring: Potsmoker goes out to the ring, some ring rat makes eyes at him, 2 weeks later someone in wOw has a brand new valet!"
HBK: "so anyway... I was reviewing the archive footage for the new Harry Potmsoker DVD, Goddard, and..what exactly is Shonen-Ai, again?"
Downard:"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
HP: "Um...uh...everybody has their gimmicks they weren't proud of...look at Mr.Superhero over there..."
HBK: "Sure, sure- somehow, I think I get a good idea how Evans earned his push..."
RR: "Anyway..how have we been gimmicking Knoxville's shopping cart again?"
KK: "We haven't been"
RR: "Ouch."
GB: "Hey- it may cause injuries for Knoxville, but come on; it's not like it's a big loss..."
JS: ""Oh please, something could go seriously wrong.....we're one foot away from Droz, and three away from Owen"
BD: "dude...it's not THAT dangerous!"
HP: "Come on- Knoxville's done some stuntman work before- he knows how to work these..."
JS: "By the way, I never really got to know him, but is his last name REALLY Knoxville?"
HBK:"Yep, where do you think we got the gimmick idea!"
JS:"any relation?"
HBK:"Doubt it....."
JS: "come on, he's got to be, only the Knoxville bloodline would be stupid enough to take a Bedrocker Dropper off the entry ramp...at a house show!"
HBK: "Yeah, and you're the perfect judge of stupidity, jared...after all, you're the 'genius' behind Sherlock Homeless!"
JS: "Hey, he and eckstein are doing some great tag team work in ACW!"
HP: "Oh, yeagh,like NYPD Jew is SO much better. Come on- Eckstein's the world's biggest piece of luggage- his opponents always need to carry his ass..."
JS: "all I can say to that tom is thank God we never bagged Doc Dean"
HP: "Well, come on- if we signed him, Bryce Samuels said he'd walk out..."
All: "So why didn't you?"
RR: "Moving on, we have too many announcers."
JS: "Look, my cousin, the other Jared, ships us out some World Cup talent, I can see about pawning off some announcers on him for a while"
GB: "Ah yes, the fed that lost their TV deal for a while and is now airing "lost episodes"?"
JS: "Pot, this is kettle. You're black."
HP: "By the way, Jared- check with your cousin to see if I can bury some bodies there- Lori's been stalking me since I told her me and Jocelyn made up, and it'd really help if I could get her out of wOw for a little bit..."
HBK: "See- this is why you can't trust a ring rat, Tom- especially ones related to that psycho Ironwood..."
RR: "Buy the way, i'm thinking we should rehire Gary Norris...What? We need more British talent!"
HP: "That guy? Come on- he leaves wrestling more times than Terry Funk, Hulk Hogan, and Warrior put together!"
BD: "Besides, of heard rumors about him running around Kent in a superhero costume"
RR: "Use that as his gimmick!"

TO BE CONTINUED (eternally...)