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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 10, 2003 21:39:39 GMT -5
(Brock and company come upon Lance Storm standing in front of a stairwell which for no reason is in the middle of the forest, hey like anything in this thing makes sense) Lance: Hey big guy you up for some unruly shenanigans? Brock: Dude, I don’t swing like that. Lance: No, not that: fighting. Matt: You must fight to prove to us that you’re not a lucky pussy. Brock: Sure why not? Lance: Ok but before you can participate in Hoss Club you must hear the rules. First you don’t tell anyone about Hoss Club. Two you don’t tell anyone about Hoss Club. Brock: You lost me. Lance: The first two rules are redundant just to drive the point. Brock: Redundant is that like when you dundant again. Which would raise a better question: what’s dundant? Lance: I see that you’re not as gifted in brains as you are in brawn so I’ll go to rule three. Third rule, you must fight your first time. Fourth rule, you must wear a pink tu-tu to fight. Brock: I ain’t wearing no fruity tu-tu. Jaime: You’ll look cut…..just like my Nidia. (starts crying) Brock: Look what you did. (Brock hugs Jaime) There, there, you’ll find another ho. Lance: Listen, are you going to fight or not? Brock: Are there any more rules? Lance: Only rule five: after the bout the winner must proclaim, “I’m a pretty lady.” Brock: No fuckin’ way. Steph: Just do it or I’ll make you do it. Brock: I’d like to see you try. (Steph maneuvers Brock so that his back faces the stairwell) Steph: Job! (Brock falls down the steps) Brock: Poopy. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 10, 2003 21:43:42 GMT -5
(Brock (not in the required pink tu-tu) is facing off against John Cena (who does have the tu-tu)) Cena: Yo, Brock Lesnar you a fool A mongoloid monkey like you can only drool I’ll beat you flatter then a pancake. (Brock just breaks Cena’s neck killing him) Brock: I hate rap. Lance: Hey, Lesnar. You aren’t wearing a tu-tu and didn’t say the words. Brock: I ain’t no fag. Lance: This isn’t some gay thing. We come her to get in touch with our aggressive feminine sides. Matt: You mean be more like Stephanie here? Steph: Hey! Lance: Yes, exactly. Chyna founded Hoss Club for that purpose. But Mr. Lesnar here doesn’t want to play by the rules so he must be dealt with. Brock: What you going to do little man. Lance: You’re going to have go ten rounds in bed with Chyna. Jim Neidhart had to do it and he died in the fourth round due to anal bleeding. Brock: I’m not liking this sex with a guy with boobs thing. Lance: You must for it is the unspoken fifth rule of Hoss Club. (Scott Steiner bursts in) Steiner: Paul Heyman hired me to kill you Brock Lesnar. And all the ladies say de-bo-ba-de-ha when the big bad booty daddy does his laundry. TO BE CONTINUED (pan over to the side to see The Rock strumming his guitar) The Rock: The Rock would like to tell you a story. A story about a sailor. It goes a little something like this. He jobs to no-names by daylight, he pisses his pants by moonlight. He’s a penis in a dress. He’s the one called Sailor Credible. (pan back to show Brock) Brock: What the hell does that have to do with anything? The Rock: Nothing. Can’t a man just sing a song anytime he wants about anything he wants? Brock: Not if it’s some stupid song about an ECW wrestler. The Rock: Fine the great one will leave and go talk in the third person and refer to his dick as a pastry elsewhere. (exit The Rock) Steiner: Ok, now it’s time for you to learn why they call me Freakzilla. (the Great Gazoo appears and no one can see or hear him except Steiner) Gazoo: Hello, dum dum. Steiner: I hate you, you little green freak. And you’re not the big boobed hoss lovin’ kind of freak I like. Steph: Who’s he talking to? Matt: I can answer you if you confess you’re sins to me. In the religion one confesses while having dirty sex with yours truly. Steph: Pig. Gazoo: You don’t like me, I’m hurt. I grant your every wish. Steiner: They all turn out bad like the time you turned my penis in a viper or the time you left me to die in a ditch by the road. Gazoo: That’s because you’re selfish. Steiner: Shut up. You ain’t real. Rick told me you’re just an illusion. Gazoo: Could an illusion do this? (Steiner’s muscles deflate) Steiner: My peaks! (Steiner runs away) Steph: That was odd to say the least. (Nick Nolte (drunk and stoned out of his mind) comes up to Brock) Nick: Brock Brock I got to tell you something. Brock: Have you been drinking again Nick? Nick: Just a couple kegs I swear. Brock: What do you want to tell me? Nick: Your half-brother The Undertaker is coming for you because he thinks you know where your father’s grave is. Brock: So king hoss wants to talk. I think hiding out some place nice is in order. Steph: So you’re a pussy after all. Brock: At least I don’t have one. Wait that wasn’t as good as a comeback as I thought it would be. Steph: Then why not fight him? Brock: I’ve never been able to beat him. He always pants me and slaps me with my own hand. Steph: Maybe with our help you can beat him. Brock: And maybe I’m the king of Spain. And if I was the king of Spain I’d be engulfed by whores and be getting a blowjob right now. Nick: (to Noble) Why do they call them fingers when they don’t fing? Noble: Could you breath on my face some more? (Nick does) That’s the good shit. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 11, 2003 22:48:09 GMT -5
(Victoria and Test are standing in the middle of a burning village) Test: Once you’ve gone Test you’ll forget about the rest. Victoria: All you hosses are the same: you all think you’re great because you’re big and talentless. But you’ve never been up against a hoss slayer before. Test: So what can you do to me? Victoria: I can make a phone call to Toronto. (the Maple Leafs swarm Test and beat the hell out of him with hockey sticks) Test: Not again! (Steven Richards shows up) Steven: I just heard that The Undertaker, king hoss himself is on a rampage. He claims all of Japan as his yard and demands to know where his father’s grave is. Victoria: We must stop him before he gets his last ride with the WWE Undisputed Title and finally gets his respect. We must go now. Steven: I don’t wanna. Victoria: You damn well will or I’ll bite your fucking nipple off. Steven: Fine. (Steven kneels and Victoria jumps on his back and Steven gives her a horsey ride as they level, elsewhere Sailor Credible and his Sailor Scouts are lost) Credible: Ok, now we’re lost in the forest with no map or way off find our way home. So lets not panic. Chuck: Hey Stevie you’re a cowboy can’t you find us a trail to follow? Stevie: I ain’t no cowboy, sucka. I’m from 110th street Harlem. I’ve never been in no woods before and I sure as hell haven’t rode no horse before. Jeff: I’ll ride you if you want. Stevie: Keep yo queering to yoself, you crazy gay cracka. Rios: I saw in a Western once where a cowboy whistled and his horse came straight to him. All Stevie has to do is summon his horse and it will lead us to home. Stevie: I got horses fruit bootie not horse. Credible: Uh. Stevie: I……..got hos not horses. (The Rock strumming his guitar shows up) The Rock: And the great soldiers of love found themselves lost in an evil dark forest. This was all the Higher Power’s doing. But as The Rock always says, “when you’re lost in this world you just need a song to find yourself”. How can u just leave me standing? Alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold) Maybe I'm just 2 demanding Maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold Maybe you're just like my mother She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied) Why do we scream at each other This is what it sounds like When doves cry Chuck: How will that song help us? The Rock: The Rock doesn’t care if the song helps you, he just wants to know what it sounds like when doves cry. Jeff: You want to hear what it sounds like when Jeff orgasms? The Rock: I see The Rock’s work here is done. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 11, 2003 22:49:46 GMT -5
(The Undertaker (dressed just like the Higher Power and totally covered up) and Jim Duggan (complete with 2X4) come upon the Sailor Scouts) Taker: I’m looking for a half-hoss named Brock Lesnar. Credible: We’ve never heard of him. Rios: Justin he looks like our immortal enemy: The Higher Power. Credible: Oh my god he does. Stevie: Let’s whomp his probably white ass. Jeff: I can think of things to do to his ass. Stevie: You queering all the air up Hardy. Taker: This is my yard and no one ever looks good in my yard except me. Jim: Let me take care of these crossdressers for you. Chuck: We aren’t crossdressers. Credible: Yeah, this is what all the magical school girls wear. Taker: Do as you wish. Jim: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Stevie: That’s one backward cracka. Taker: He’s dyslexic. He can’t help that he was born that way. It just saddens me when people make fun of people with learning problems. Credible: We can take this has-been. Sailor powers activate. (Duggan nails Justin with the 2X4 and knocks him out, he then makes short work of the rest) Taker: Now we must find Brock so I can claim the urn of my father. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 12, 2003 18:26:14 GMT -5
(nighttime, Brock and company are sitting around a fire, Nick Nolte is on a spit over the fire) Noble: I want a leg! I want a leg! Brock: You can have any part you want. Steph: That’s sick. You can’t seriously be thinking of eating him. Brock: People is a little bland but that’s why I brought the Mrs. Dash back in town. Steph: That’s cannibalism. Brock: You don’t want any you can eat dirt. Matt: I only want the brain. By eating it I will gain his knowledge and thus became smarter. (lighting strikes Nolte’s body causing it to explode, The Undertaker and Jim Duggan show up) Brock: Hey that was good Nick Nolte there. Taker: Greetings brother I’ve come to get what is rightfully mine. Brock: This is my underwear and my name’s written on it to prove it. Taker: I’ve come for father’s urn. Brock: Like I have it. All he left in the will for me was a card good for one free sundae at Dairy Queen. Taker: You must have it. I’ve searched everywhere from Parts Unknown to Web City for it. It is said that the urn is with in his grave which is supported yet not known, is protected but not known to its protector. Brock: Well, I don’t got it so leave you’re scaring Noble. Steph: So this jerk is your brother. Brock: Half-brother and he thinks he’s so good because he’s all hoss. (Duggan whispers into Taker’s ear) Taker: I know where the tomb is hidden. (Taker grabs Brocker nuts and rips them off, a black ball falls out and opens a portal, Brock is on the ground crying) Taker: I will claim the urn and the power of our father shall be mine then the whole world shall be my yard. (Taker and Duggan go into the portal) Steph: Shouldn’t we follow them? Matt: This urn could give me more power which in turn will make more people MFers. We must follow them. Brock: I’m not a man no more. Steph: You never where. Hardy, Noble pick him up and lets follow them. (they go into the portal) TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 12, 2003 18:29:26 GMT -5
(inside the portal, the entire area is a vast wasteland of human bones, a temple made of stone lays in the distance) Steph: This is your father’s grave? Brock: My beautiful balls. They’re gone and it hurts. Steph: Shut up. Noble you drag him to that temple. Matt: Why do you want to find the urn? Steph: We’re broke and it might be worth something. (in a flash of lighting The Undertaker appears in front of our heroes) Taker: This is the wasteland of lost careers. You shall die it as many before you. Brock you shall sleep with our father tonight in the pit of hell. (Taker disappears and zombies come out of the bones, the zombies are those of Jim Neidhart, Scott Hall, Raven, D’lo Brown, Rick Steiner, and Sho Funaki) Noble: ZOMBIES! Brock: Hold me Noble, I’m scared. (Noble holds Brock the zombies start dancing) Neidhart: I’m a rotting corpse trapped in hell. But my career died long before me. I was the weakest link of a strong tag-team now I’m hanging with these guys. Hall: I thought drugs and booze would kill me but a dead career did me in. This wasteland is a dry county and now the sobriety is getting to me. Steph: Lets slowly walk away. (our heroes do so and the zombies continue to sing and dance, cut to outside the temple) Matt: I hear your father was a hoss among hosses. Brock: (standing but grabbing his balls) Yeah, he was lord of the lands not known: The Warrior. Matt: I heard he died from syphilis. Brock: True, I learned from him never to fuck a whore scratching her crotch. Matt: That’s Mattitude commandment 21. Brock: His urn gives the user the power of no-selling. If my brother gets it nothing in this world can hurt him expect for my father’s ashes inside the urn. Steph: Then lets stop him. TO BE CONTINUED (inside the temple Undertaker has the urn) Taker: You can’t stop me now, Brock. Brock: He has the urn. Well, we’re fucked, lets go try to salvage what’s left of Nolte. Steph: Fight him. Brock: I don’t wanna, he’s unstoppable. Steph: Job! (Brock falls on his back) Taker: You see Brock you can’t help but lay down for the three count now that the urn is mine. Brock: (up now) Ok I’ll kick his ass if that makes you happy. (Brock goes after Taker but gets his ass kicked, all attacks are useless) Matt: Use your father’s ashes to defeat him. (Brock tries to grab the urn but gets tombstoned, while Brock lays at Taker’s feet he pulls his brother’s robe off to reveal Taker to be none other then: a 10 year-old girl in a pink dress named Suzie) Brock: What the fork! Suzie: Yes, I The Undertaker I’m really a little girl. My name is Suzie and all will soon learn the fear it. Brock: I got my ass kicked by a freakin’ girl. Suzie: Yes for our father’s urn gives me his power of no-selling. Duggan: Master this doesn’t make sense. Suzie: I have no further use for you. (Suzie throws Duggan thru a wall into a rib cage killing him) Matt: Brock are you going to let a small child beat you? Brock: No, no I ain’t. (Brock grabs the ashes from the urn and tosses them into Suzie’s eyes, Suzie screams and fades away, in a flash of light Brock and company are transported back to the real world) Brock: (feels his balls) They’re back and hopefully better then ever. Steph: Now we can get back to collecting the title belts. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 21:54:20 GMT -5
(Brock and company come across The Rock at a hot spring) Steph: Do you know where any title belts are? Rock: Well little lady I do know where the clitoris is and I’m a third generation woman pleaser. Steph: Don’t even think about it. Matt: I am the high priest of Mattitude and Mattitude is founded on the knowledge of pleasuring the clitoris. (Steph pushes Brock behind Matt) Steph: Job! (Brock falls backwards on Matt) Rock: The Rock likes a forceful woman. Now I’ll serenade you with a song. Say your prayers little one don't forget, my son to include everyone tuck you in, warm within keep you free from sin till the sandman he comes sleep with one eye open gripping your pillow tight exit: light enter: night take my hand off to never never land How does that make you feel? Steph: Creeped out. Rock: Good because The Rock has the perfect thing to make you feel all better. (Steph takes out honey and pours it on Rock’s head) Rock: I like them freaky. (Noble jumps on The Rock and starts biting him) Brock: Let’s go in the hot spring to you know find title belts. Matt: And boobs. Brock: I was trying to hide my true reasons so as to not piss the princess off. Matt: Mattitude commandment 32 states “thou shall always talk straight about naughty things”. Steph: OK, but don’t do anything to get us kicked out. Brock: Noble, down. (Noble stops attacking Rock) Rock: I think the people’s head just got some. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 21:56:13 GMT -5
(Brock only has a towel on and is walking thru the hot spring, he comes across Jackie Gayda) Brock: Hey there good looking, You want to see the next big thing? Gayda: Sure. Brock: Too sweet. (Kevin Nash comes out of the hot spring) Nash: I have that phrase copy righted. You owe me 100 bucks. Brock: Quick run because movement is his greatest enemy. (Brock and Gayda take off) Nash: Could somebody push me back in? (cut to Matt and Steph naked in the hot spring) Steph: Get the hell out of here. Matt: As the high priest of Mattitude I understand the true beauty of a woman. And the peak of womanly beauty can only be seen during sexual intercourse. Steph: I will never have sex with you. Matt: You mouth says that but your heart doesn’t. (bubbles start coming up from under the water) Steph: Matt! Matt: It’s not me. (Brock pops out from under the water) Brock: Is she here. Steph: Who? Brock: Jackie Gayda. Steph: Who is she? Brock: A chick I met. Matt: Did you bang her? Steph: Matt! Brock: Sort of. I keep trying to you know put little Brock into his home but some how she kept screwing it up and little Brock kept eating floor. Matt: That is the type of woman you do not want. You must have one that….. (Steph dunks Matt under water) Steph: All of you men are scum. (The Rock falls from above into the spring) Rock: Hey baby. The Rock was just admiring you from heaven and decide to come down here get it on with you. Steph: I’m leaving. (Steph leaves) Rock: The Rock loves to see you leave but hate to see you go. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 21:58:34 GMT -5
(Paul Heyman and RVD are at a trailer talking to Jeff Hardy who has his African raccoon I-Magi) Paul: Jeff your brother has became a problem of mine thanks to his recent association with that no-good Brock Lesnar. I wondering if you could join me in my quest use your……colorfulness to combat Matt’s Mattitude? Jeff: Oh great painter of the clouds and whisper of secrets I-Magi what should I do? (I-Magi just sits there) Yes, I should prove to you my xtremeness. (Jeff climbs on top of his trailer) Paul: What is that fool doing? (Jeff jumps off and land on his head) RVD: Dude are you like dead? Jeff: (laying in a heap) Don’t worry for the great green earth broke my fall. What, I-Magi? I should help the short loud man. RVD: Shouldn’t we be looking for title belts? Paul: It’s on the to do list but killing Brock is number one. Number two is picking up mom’s dry cleaning. Number three is cleaning my room. And at number four is get the title belts. (cut to Steph outside the hot spring, Rowdy Roddy Piper with a bag pipe appears) Steph: Who the hell are you? Piper: I’m the Soul Piper and I drive lost souls to Midcard Hell with my wretched music. Steph: Must suck to be you. Piper: No way! The pays great, I get to met interesting people, and chicks dig the kilt. I’m looking for two old out of shape guys wearing shoulder pads and bad face paint. Brock: (from inside the hot spring) It’s time for the wet t-shirt contest. Piper: I’m so there. Steph: I though you had to find those guys? Piper: What guys? (Piper goes in the hot spring, Victoria riding Steven Richards shows up) Steph: Not another weirdo. Victoria: I’m looking for the man that killed The Undertaker. Steph: You mean Brock? Victoria: Yes. Steph: He’s in there. (points to the hot springs) Victoria: Good. Steph: What do you want with him? Victoria: He’s a dangerous hoss and for that he must be killed. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 22:00:14 GMT -5
(inside the hot spring, the guest are playing pool volleyball, Brock Lesner, Matt Hardy, Jamie Noble, Roddy Piper, and Jack Byrnes are in a huddle) Jack: Listen Panama Red you better get in the game here or I’m trading you for Nash over there. Brock: It’s not my fault I have no hand-eye coordination, it’s God’s fault. Jack: Did God make you cut cheese four minutes ago? No, you did that and you’re the one that can’t hit the damn ball. Brock: Oh, I’ll hit the ball. (the game continues, the ball comes to Brock, Brock hammers it back over and into Ric Flair’s face) Jack: I told you to hit the ball Loser not kill the elderly. Brock: It’s Lesnar! (Jack checks on Flair) Jack: You okay there Nature Boy? Ric: My whole life just flashed before my eyes and I don’t ever remember eating a Zagnut bar. Brock: You see the old fart’s fine. Ric: Who are you calling an old fart. (starts stylin’ and profilin’ in the pool) I’m a kiss stealin’, jet ridin’, sweater knittin’, son of a gun. I’ll paint the town red with your blood buddy. Brock: I’ll finish the job the ball started. (Brock tries to attack Flair but Matt and Piper hold him back, Victoria enters) Victoria: Brock Lesnar I’m here to kill you. Jack: Now look what you did Loser. You caused some board to show up and interrupt our game. Brock: You want to kill me, then try it. Victoria: I’ll do more then try. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 22:01:26 GMT -5
(Stephanie McMahon is walking by a well on her way to school) Hogan: (from in the well) Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you. Steph: What that? (she looks into the well and Hogan’s hand comes out and drags her in, she ends up coming out of the well in medieval Japan, Hogan is flexing) Steph: Where I’m I? Hogan: Listen dude I’m the greatest hoss in the whole world but all the little Hulkamaniacs want me to be even better. I could sense your McMahon blood from the other side of the well, brutha. So I dragged you here to demand a title belt. Steph: Daddy! Hogan: But McMahon’s love me. I’m big and talentless. Steph: I don’t have a title belt. Hogan: Oh…….sorry dudette. Remember to drink your prayers, say your vitamins, and take your milk. (Hogan wanders away like people his age tend to do, Steph starts walking around and comes across Brock Lesner handcuffed to a tree, Brock is snoring pretty loudly) Steph: Shut up! Quit snoring damn it! (she slaps the hell out of Brock) Brock: (waking up) I don’t want to go to school mommy they make fun of my black pants. (he sees Steph) Boobs! Big boobs! I’ve been dreaming about them that big ever since that bitch handcuffed me here. Steph: Why did someone handcuff you to a tree? Brock: You see this mad hot chick was guarding the WWE Undisputed Champion belt that I wanted so I tired to make the move on her so I could get the belt. But then I meet her sister Katie. I figure I could get a little side snatch before I go after the belt but one thing lend to another and lets just say I put her corpse in a car and pushed it off a cliff. Then her sister gets all pissed off like I did something wrong and handcuffs me here. Now why don’t you be a sweet thing and let me go. Steph: I don’t think so. But why do you want the title belt. Brock: I’m half vanilla midget and half hoss. With the power of the belt I can became a full hoss. But I’m all man and I’ll show you if you let me go. Steph: I don’t think so. Brock: Come on I’ve been holding number one for 50 years. Steph: No. (she leaves) Brock: Yeah, she wants me. (Brock bursts thru the screen the show was playing on) Brock: What the fuck is up with this? (Steph walks out) Steph: It’s a rerun. Brock: What? Steph: There aren’t any more episodes done so they’re rerunning the old ones. Brock: But I want to see what happens next. Steph: You’ll have to wait three months. Brock: I can’t wait that long. If there are not new episodes starting tomorrow I’ll start killing people. Steph: You’ll still have to wait. Brock: I’ll see about that. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 22:02:47 GMT -5
(Steph comes across a temple and finds the priestess Moolah inside) Steph: Can you tell me where I am? Moolah: You’re in the Titan Forest in Japan. Steph: But nobody I’ve come across looks Japanese or speaks it. Moolah: You’re not suppose to notice that. Steph: That doesn’t make sense. Moolah: Look if you nitpick about every little detail then this wouldn’t be much of a parody. Steph: Ok, I want out of this dumb thing. I demand that I be written into something good starring HHH. (Brock once again bursts thru the screen) Brock: I said no reruns and I mean it. (DDP tears down the rest of the screen to reveal the hot spring) DDP: Reruns aren’t a good thing, they’re a bad thing. Brock: Where were we again. Victoria: I’m going to kill you Brock Lesnar. Brock: Oh yeah. DDP: I sense a lot of misplaced hostility from you. We should have a talk so you will like you like I like me. (Victoria knocks DDP out with a Frisbee) Brock: Sweet! Frisbees rock. Victoria: It won’t be sweet when it takes you’re head off. Jack: Hey Loser tell you’re friend to leave so we can get on with the game. (Victoria decapitates Jack with the Frisbee) Brock: Oh shit! Matt: Never fear Brock for I am here. Hey sexy lady I have something for you in my pants. Victoria: That won’t work on me. Matt: The path of Mattitude knows all things about making women scream in passion. I shall rock your world. Victoria: That’s it. (Victoria throws the Frisbee at Matt, Matt catches and starts playing catch with Lesnar) Victoria: This will take a different approach. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 15, 2003 22:04:20 GMT -5
(Brock and company are walking in the woods, Victoria and Steven Richards are following them) Brock: Just leave me alone. Victoria: You must die hellspawn. (she hits him over the head with a sledgehammer) Brock: It’s getting all dizzy. I think I’ll take a nap. (Brock falls down knocked out) Steph: Great now we have to drag his worthless ass. Victoria: Why are you even with a hoss? Steph: I need him to help me gather the title belts. It’s my destiny or something. I’m not really sure because the author was rather vague. Noble: Just looking at you reminds me of my Nidia. We used to make out in the outhouse. Victoria: If you’re going where I think you’re going you should stop it. Matt: Have you ever read the good book of Mattitude? Because it states “thou shall make sweet love to their neighbor” and baby you’re standing next to me. Jeff: (off screen) I-Magi powers activate. (Jeff lands in a heap in front of everyone) Form of a puddle. (I-Magi floats down next to him) And he says shape of an aardvark. Steph: No way can this be good or sane. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 16, 2003 15:51:32 GMT -5
(Jeff gets up and starts skipping around Matt) Jeff: I-Magi says that you can not withstand the power of I-Magination. Matt: I-Magination is not the true path: that is Mattitude. And Mattitude commandment 321 states "all false ways shall be smote with a tube of lead". (Matt pulls his lead pipe out) (Dr. Phil walks in) Phil: You don't need to solve your problems with violence. Matt: But it makes me feel better and as the high priest of Mattitude isn't that the only thing that matters? Phil: But you're not thinking about Jeff's feelings or his needs. Jeff: I'm a pretty girl, I'm a pretty girl. Phil: (grabs Jeff stopping him) This young man has many problems and a blow to the head will only cause him more. Matt: Let me get this straight: I hit him in the head, it makes me feel better, and it causes him problems. Then I see no reason that I shouldn't strike him with the Mattitude peace pipe. Phil: Resolving problems with violence only leads to more violence. Plus it causes you to be a bad person and you'll just continue on your path of hate and destruction. Jeff: I-Magi thinks you're fat. Phil: Who is this I-Magi? Jeff: He's my African raccoon and he guilds me thru my life. Phil: You can't let a raccoon run your life. You need to run your own life. What if I-Magi dies? You won't know what to do. Jeff: He says that it's not nice to speculate people's deaths. Phil: His voice is in your mind. Hence it's really you that is I-Magi. You made up this character so you don't have to face the harsh responsibilities of life. Matt: He won't hear any voices once he has a concussion. Phil: Just put the pipe away. Jeff you have to realize that you need to take responsibility of your own actions. You need to come to an understanding with yourself. Jeff: That's a funny joke, I-Magi. Phil: Ah, the hell with it. (Dr. Phil takes the pipe from Matt and bludgeons Jeff into unconsciousness with it) Brock: You've done some real help today. Phil: You have father issues don't you Brock? (Brock F-5s Phil) Brock: You got some pain issues. (elsewhere the Kliq is dressed as cowboys and the LWO is dressed as snake charmers and swamis) Shawn: Something's worry here, partner. Eddie: And what would that be? Shawn: Well we're all dressed like cowboys but you're not dressed like Indians. Eddie: I know Sabu so I'm pretty sure how Indians dress, esse. Shawn: I meant Native American Indians. Eddie: Then you should have said that. When you said, "come on let's play cowboy and Indians" how was I suppose to know you meant those ones? Shawn: It's sort of implied by the association with cowboys. Eddie: Not it wasn't, holmes. Shawn: I think it was. Eddie: Look it took Super Calo all morning to find a live cobra so we ain't changing our thing. Shawn: Okay, we'll play like this. (Justin Credible comes running in with the cobra hanging off his neck) Eddie: It looks like someone made a friend. TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by PTMidnite on Sept 16, 2003 15:54:03 GMT -5
(Paul Heyman and RVD are in Paul's mother's basement, they have titles belts laying everywhere and Paul has the WWF world heavyweight title on) Paul: That schmuck Brock hasn't even found a single belt yet. And with all of these beautiful ones we have we'll destroy him for sure next time we meet. RVD: It's funny that we involuntarily breath. What are we too lazy to forcibly inhale and exhale each time? Paul: Just stare off into space for the next couple of hours. RVD: All right……(he just stares off into space) Paul: Huzzah! Now I can eat his doughnuts. (cut to Brock and company in the woods (like always), the specter of Mr. Perfect appears before them) Brock: Ghost! (Brock grabs Noble) I'll protect you're immortal soul. Perfect: Yes I am a ghost but I've come here to warn you. Brock: (drops Noble) About what? Perfect: Paul Heyman has collected many title belts while you where goofing off and now plans to use them to kill you. Brock: I think I'll be going to hide out in Argentina with all those Nazis. Perfect: You must defeat him or his crappy wrestling federation will be the only promotion in the land. Brock: And I would do this how? Perfect: Since you're not perfect like me or can even obtain a belt you must make yourself stronger. You must have Stone Cold Steve Austin train you. Brock: But he died. Perfect: Yes, you must go to Midcard Hell to seek his training. Brock: But it's scary there. Perfect: Are you a big baby? Brock: No. Perfect: Then get your ass there now. Brock: Ok, I'll go and get this training. (Brock F-5s Perfect's ghost) Matt: I would think a ghost would be immaterial. Brock: Even the dead have to job to hosses. TO BE CONTINUED
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