Spider-Man's Bad Day

[PTMidnite]

Panel 1
Overhead shot of Spider-Man swing double handed on a webline upward in downtown Manhattan in daylight.

Spider-Man: Okay Pete. All you have to do is pick up your suit at the cleaners and get a couple of groceries. Then be home to tonight for dinner with your lovely wife.

Page 2

Panel 1
Sideview of Spider-Man doing a backwards somersault in midair.

Woman: (off screen) HELP!

Panel 2
Spider-Man right side up shooting a webline out of his right webshooter into the air.

Spider-Man: So much for hoping for a quite day.

Panel 3
A woman is standing on the sidewalk without anyone else around. She has her head leaned back, eyes closed, and mouth wide open.

Woman: HELP!

Panel 4
The woman still screaming and hanging upside down from a webline beside her is Spider-Man.

Woman: HELP!

Spider-Man: What seems to be the problem?

Panel 5
Tight on the woman screaming into the still hanging upside down Spider-Man's face. Spider-Man's eyes are squinting.

Woman: SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Panel 6
Same as last but the woman is startled to see Spider-Man and Spider-Man's eyes are normal.

Spider-Man: Thanks, I needed my eyes cleaned out.

Woman: Uh……Spider-Man.

Panel 7
Spider-Man standing on the sidewalk in front of the woman.

Spider-Man: I believe you mention something about needing help.

Panel 8
The woman looking really worried.

Woman: Yes, there's a major problem.

Page 3

Panel 1
Spider-Man and the woman standing there. Speed Demon is behind Spider-Man grinning with his arms folded, there are speed lines going to him from where he came off screen.

Panel 2
The woman staring at Speed Demon with shock. Spider-Man is looking over his shoulder at Speed Demon and is no longer has his bottom tights on and is wearing boxers covered in Avengers' logos. Speed Demon is holding the bottom tights of Spider-Man up and is smirking.

Panel 3
The woman who is still kind of shocked and Spider-Man are looking at one another. There are speed lines going away from Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Speed Demon just stole my pants. What kind of super villain steals the hero's pants?

Woman: Not to be rude but there still is a problem that you should help out with.

Panel 4
Spider-Man has his right hand on the back of his head and the woman expression is dead serious.

Spider-Man: Even with a great blow dealt to my self-esteem. Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is always ready to lend a web to those in need.

Woman: There's a man eating live pigeons.

Panel 5
Close up of Spider-Man with his left eye squinting and his eye is bigger.

Spider-Man: All that screaming was because of some yutz gorging himself on everybody's favorite flying rodent.

Panel 6
The Owl grinning in delight, wearing his goggles and has his three-pronged talons on each wrist is crouching on the ledge of a building.

Owl: Welcome to my hunting grounds, Spider-Man.

Panel 7
Close up of The Owl's face with a set of the talon's in front of his face.

Owl: You die, NOW!

[PTMidnite]

Page 4

Panel 1
The Owl flying thru the air with his talon's stretched out in front of him. The Owl has a snarling looking on his face.

Panel 2
The Owl coming at Spider-Man with a down slash of both sets of talons. Spider-Man is starting to step backwards.

Panel 3
The Owl has his talons embedded into the sidewalk and is snarling. Spider-Man is looking down at him with his hands on his hips.

Panel 4
The Owl is trying to pull his talons out of the ground and looks incredibly frustrated. Spider-Man is standing the same.

Panel 5
The Owl is looking up at Spider-Man. Spider-Man is standing the same except his eyes squinting.

Owl: Mind giving me a hand?

Spider-Man: You just tried to kill me.

Owl: I was only joking. Now just pull my talons out of the ground and then turn around.

Spider-Man: The Dry Cleaners closes in an hour so I don't have time to play with even my most special friends.

Panel 6
The Owl looking really mad and Spider-Man jumping off panel.

Owl: That's right; run away little spider. Oh and get some pants you freak.

Page 5

Panel 1
A dirty city alleyway. Rhino and Grizzly (standing right to left) in hip hop gear on over their costumes are doing hip hop hand signs and generally looking like dorks in front of a group of three young teenagers.

Rhino: Yo, my homeboyz we got the most whacked junk in the hiz house.

Grizzly: Fo snizzle.

Panel 2
Tight of Rhino's and Grizzly's heads. They're startled and their eyes are looking upwards.

Spider-Man: (off panel) Selling drugs to children is low.

Panel 3
Rhino, Grizzly, and the teens are looking up at Spider-Man standing on the wall opposite of where they're standing about twenty feet above them. Spider-Man has his arms crossed in front of him.

Spider-Man: Even for you two.

Rhino: It's Spider-Man!

Grizzly: Without any pants!

Panel 4
Spider-Man is standing behind the teens and has his one hand on two of the teen's shoulders. The teens are frightened off.

Spider-Man: No matter what your problems are, drugs are never the answer.

Teen 1: Get your hand off me you pervert.

Teen 2: Please don't rape us.

Teen 3: I always knew my good looks would be the end of me.

Panel 5
Spider-Man with his hands up in the air. Teen 3 is shaking uncontrollably, Teen 2 is crying, and Teen 1 is backing away from Spider-Man.

Teen 2: Just get it over with.

Spider-Man: Just because a superhero's lost his pants doesn't make him a rapist.

Page 6

Panel 1
Rhino glancing at Grizzly while smirking and elbowing Grizzly's side. Grizzly is calmly mad.

Rhino: Told you it'd work.

Panel 2
Spider-Man standing in front of Rhino and looking up at him. Rhino is looking down at Spider-Man smirking. Grizzly is looking to the left and still looks mad.

Spider-Man: What would work?

Rhino: Nothing really.

Panel 3
Rhino still looking down at Spider-Man is pointing at Spider-Man's head with his left index finger. Spider-Man is leaning his head back to avoid contact with Rhino's finger.

Rhino: I'm a member of the hyperactive paranoid fearful children support group mailing list and I started a rumor on it about a certain webhead going Pete Townsend on New York's young male population.

Panel 4
Bust shot of Spider-Man starching the top of his head with his right index finger.

Spider-Man: You're a member of the hyperactive paranoid fearful children support group. Better yet, you can operate a computer?

Panel 5
Bust shot of Rhino looking serious.

Rhino: When I was a boy in Russia I suffered from HPF syndrome and as an adult I send much of my time helping others that are afflicted by it as well.

Panel 6
Spider-Man looking up at Rhino.

Spider-Man: But wouldn't spreading lies about rapists be going against helping them? Plus, why are you selling them drugs?

Panel 7
Grizzly is holding a bunch of candy bars out in his hands and is smirking devilishly.

Grizzly: We ain't selling them drugs. We're selling them the finest candy bars money can buy.

[PTMidnite]

Page 7

Panel 1
Spider-Man webswinging high above the streets of Manhattan.

Spider-Man: I can't believe that those smucks are meeting children that can't have candy online and are selling them candy bars at insanely low prices. All though what I really can't believe is that I bought five bars off them.

Panel 2
Spider-Man crawling up a wall of a stone building.

Spider-Man: I just need to go get my civilian clothes from this building so I can run my errands and get home to MJ.

Panel 3
The top part of Spider-Man's head peering into a window.

Spider-Man: A guy can't be this unlucky.

Panel 4
A small empty room with one door leading into it. The Scorpion is sleeping on the floor using the web package as a pillow.

Panel 5
Side shot of Spider-Man looking in the window.

Spider-Man: I'll just grab the bag with a webline and be out of the neighborhood before Gargan wakes up.

Page 8

Panel 1
Spider-Man leaning into the room with his right arm out stretch and his hand in a ready to web position from behind.

Panel 2
The same except there are spider sense lines around Spider-Man's head.

Spider-Man: What now?

Panel 3
Side shot of Spider-Man looking over his shoulder to see Jack O' Lantern hovering a few feet behind him on his flying platform.

Spider-Man: Can't I ever catch a lucky break?

Panel 4
Close up of Spider-Man and Jack O' Lantern looking face-to-face.

Jack: Just the insect I was looking for.

Panel 5
Forward shot of Spider-Man facing the reader but sticking to the wall behind him. Spider-Man is pointing with his thumb behind him. You can see Scorpion sleeping thru the window.

Spider-Man: Are you sure you weren't looking for Scorps in there? I heard he's a great conversationalist.

Panel 6
Side shot of Jack crouching on the platform grabbing Spider-Man by his tights and looking into his face.

Jack: No, the one I want is you.

Panel 7
Spider-Man is leaning forward and Jack is pulling Spider-Man's shirt off and the shirt is covering Spider-Man's face.

Panel 8
Jack from behind flying away with the shirt.

Page 9

Panel 1
Spider-Man still clinging to the wall facing away from it.

Spider-Man: You make a couple of jokes and all of a sudden the villains don't show you any respect. First Speedy steals my pants and now flame head relives me of my shirt. Ether Playgirl desperately wants pictures of me for a all naked superhero issue or Fisk has ran out of ideas to make my life miserable.

Panel 2
Angled downward shot of Scorpion busting thru the outside wall and tackling Spider-Man from behind.

Scorpion: Die wall crawler!

Panel 3
Spider-Man shoots a webline straight up while being shoulder rammed in mid air by a furious Scorpion.

Panel 4
Spider-Man holding the web line and flipping forward as Scorpion keeps traveling forward.

Panel 5
Spider-Man hanging from the webline and Scorpion is stopped midair still in shoulder ramming position with a scared look on his face.

Spider-Man: Scorpion meet gravity. Gravity meet Scorpion.

Panel 6
Same as the last except no Scorpion.

Spider-Man: I'm sure you two will hit it off nicely.

Scorpion: (off panel) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[PTMidnite]

Page 10

Panel 1
Spider-Man holding the web packet in the room that Scorpion was sleeping in.

Spider-Man: Now I'll just change into mild mannered school teacher Peter Parker and leave the pains and problems of Spider-Man behind me for the rest of the day.

Panel 2
Spider-Man stilling holding the web packet is shocked to see that The Grandmaster is standing there.

Spider-Man: Grandmaster what do you want and if it's my underwear you'll see a grown man sob uncontrollably?

Grandmaster: I've come to collect you for a little game I've set up.

Panel 3
Grandmaster striking a dramatic pose.

Grandmaster: That the fate of the very universe hinges on the outcome.

Panel 4
Spider-Man with his right hand raised and his left hand holding the web packet against his chest.

Spider-Man: Can I sit this one out? I got some things I really need to do and I really shouldn't save the universe half-naked; I might catch cold.

Panel 5
Grandmaster is giving Spider-Man a stern look and pointing to him.

Grandmaster: You're too popular and have far too many titles to not be involved in a mega crossover.

Panel 6
Spider-Man has his hands in the air and Grandmaster is smirking and rubbing his chin.

Spider-Man: People hate me and what titles are you taking about?

Grandmaster: I forgot you mortals are tools of the printed page.

Spider-Man: Not that you cosmic guys make any sense but…….you're not making any sense.

Panel 7
The Grandmaster is right in Spider-Man's face and is ticked.

Grandmaster: I toy with the very fabric of the universe, which means I don't have to explain your four-colored prison to you. You're coming with me whether you like it or not.

Panel 8
Spider-Man with his hands clasped together like he's begging.

Spider-Man: Ok but could you at least give me another costume to wear?

Page 11

Panel 1
This panel is full page and on its side. A YMCA indoor swimming pool. The pool is load with villains (Thanos, Diablo, Oort the Living Comet, Dr. Doom, Venom, Ultron, Blob, Deathurge, and Baron Zemo) all sneaking around. Spider-Man is in the middle of the pool wearing the Scarlet Spider outfit with a white blindfold on.

Spider-Man: Marco.

Everyone Else: Polo!

Page 12

Panel 1
Tight on Spider-Man swinging towards the reader on a webline in downtown Manhattan.

Spider-Man: The fate of the entire universe rested on a handful of heroes beating the universe's greatest villains in a bunch of kid games.

Panel 2
Side shot of Spider-Man shooting a web out of his left web shooter while holding on to another webline with his right hand in mid swing.

Spider-Man: Some days I wished that spider never bit me. Then I could have been a research scientist and not have psychopaths in bad animal themed costumes play human piñata with me everyday.

Panel 3
Spider-Man swinging around the corner of a building holding the webline with two hands.

Spider-Man: I the bad thing is that the worst part of that whole thing was getting stuck with this goofy costume.

Panel 4
Spider-Man is crouching on a downtown sidewalk in busy downtown Manhattan.

Spider-Man: I don't know what's the bigger crime against fashion: the solid color body suit or the hoodie?

Panel 5
Spider-Man opening the door to "Manhattan Dry Cleaners" and walking inside.

Spider-Man: I don't have time to go get my clothes so I'll have to use the rarely used spider-charm to get my suit.

Panel 6
Spider-Man standing at the counter. An employee is ticked off on the other side.

Employee: I don't care; no ticket no suit.

Spider-Man: If you can't trust the word of a superhero, who can you trust?

Panel 7
The employee looking over his shoulder into the back as Spider-Man stands at the counter leaning forward on it with his arms.

Employee: Yo, PM we have another trouble customer.

[PTMidnite]

Page 13

Panel 1
Plant Man pushing clothes hanging on a rack aside and stepping thru the gap in the back of the dry cleaner.

Plant Man: What is it this time? No, let me guess: they lost their ticket.

Panel 2
Plant Man standing next to the employee at the counter looking at the employee. Spider-Man is standing on the other side of the counter.

Employee: He says that some guy named Peter Parker asked him to come pick up his suit but didn't give him a ticket.

Panel 3
Spider-Man has his head back and laughing. Plant Man and the employee are looking at Spider-Man slightly peeved off.

Spider-Man: HA HA HA HA HA.

Plant Man: Must people usually are mad when they can't get their clothes.

Panel 4
Spider-Man is pointing at Plant Man and Plant Man looks offended and has his hand on the counter. The employee looks slightly mad.

Spider-Man: You've really hit bottom now, Plant Man. What do you do; use hypno-bleach in the laundry so you can control the customers?

Plant Man: I'll have you know that it's been a particularly bad time to be in the business of crime. The economy affects us in more ways then you know. So I've taken a part-time job as manger of this dry cleaner.

Panel 5
Front shot Plant Man and the employee standing behind the counter.

Plant Man: If you want that suit then by all means you'll have it. Stu fletch the suit and make sure you handle it with the utmost care.

Panel 6
Plant Man relaxing against the counter and looking at Spider-Man.

Plant Man: Nice outfit. Is that your spare you wear when you're cleaning that other dreadful one?

Spider-Man: Like you should ever make fun of the way people dress.

Panel 7
The employee is hold a suit over the counter and Spider-Man is taking it from his hands. Plant Man is still relaxing on the counter.

Plant Man: I hope you enjoy the special care I gave it.

Spider-Man: Special care? Wait a minute.

Panel 8
Plant Man is still relaxed behind the counter and the employee is taking a green construction helmet from underneath the counter. Spider-Man is holding the suit and his eyes are really big and spider-sense lines are around his head. Vines are coming out of the suit and heading towards Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Why me?

Panel 9
Exterior of the dry cleaners.

SFX: SMASH! CRASH! SLAM!

Page 14

Panel 1
Spider-Man with his costume totally wrecked is walking down the sidewalk of a busy Manhattan street.

Spider-Man: Okay Spidey, don't tell anyone that Plant Man kicked your ass. Nobody was there and nobody needs to know.

Panel 2
Spider-Man at a newsstand picking up a copy of the Daily Bugle.

Spider-Man: I wonder what pearls of wisdom flattop has for the masses today?

Panel 3
Front shot of Spider-Man looking at the front page of the paper.

Spider-Man: Spider-Man bested by floral felon.

Panel 4
Spider-Man looking at the front page in shock.

Spider-Man: That just happened ten minutes ago.

Panel 5
Spider-Man looking over the paper at the guy behind the newsstand.

Guy: The Bugle stated a special rush edition of the paper every time you're a menace.

Spider-Man: But factor in the amount of time it takes to write and edit a story, the printing process, and delivery time; it's impossible for this paper to exist.

Guy: Hey, you got to do things fast in the paper business if you want to stay on top.

Panel 6
Spider-Man was the paper opened up and has his face right in it.

Spider-Man: Damn Jameson and his Hitler mustache.

Panel 7
Spider-Man has the paper pulled away from his face and is crumpling the sides of it.

Spider-Man: Recent Bugle popularity polls shows that most New Yorkers would rather die of exposure then have a light conversation with that wall crawling menace: Spider-Man. Fixed, I demand a recount.

[PTMidnite]

Page 16

Panel 1
Spider-Man is standing in line in a supermarket. There are a few people in front of him, a small girl standing bedside him and looking up at him, and a rather large man standing behind him. Spider-Man has a box of tampons and a jar of peanut butter in his hands.

Spider-Man: I'm dreading the day The Grandmaster comes to collect the money he lent me during the Infinity Special Olympics.

Girl: You're a poop head.

Panel 2
Same but Spider-Man is looking down at the girl.

Spider-Man: You're the poop head.

Girl: No, you're the poop head.

Spider-Man: You're king poop head.

Girl: No, you are.

Panel 3
Spider-Man crouching and looking right at the head and the girl is screaming/crying.

Spider-Man: I have it on good authority that you're head is indeed filled with poop and you stink too.

Girl: Daddy! The bug man is being mean to me.

Panel 4
Side shot of the big man behind Spider-Man with his right hand on Spider-Man's shoulder and Spider-Man has spider sense lines around his head.

Guy: Just because you're a superhero you think you can make fun of my daughter.

Panel 5
Spider-Man looking up at the guy with his hands hand up between them still holding the peanut butter and tampons. The guy is looking down at with a real nasty expression on his face.

Spider-Man: Look I just want to get out of here so I can hurry home and have dinner with my wife.

Guy: Tell my daughter you're sorry.

Spider-Man: No, she started it. Tell her to say she's sorry to me.

Panel 6
The guy has his right fist raised in a ready to punch position and is making a real mean face at Spider-Man.

Guy: A jerk like you could use a real pounding.

Spider-Man: You can't be serious. I'll cream you easy.

Guy: So, it's a fight you want.

Spider-Man: You're the one that wants a fight.