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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:34:12 GMT -5
BWF Saturday Night Insanity Boston, MA _________________________________________________________
Guns-N-Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" blares once again as the camera pans around the FleetCenter in Boston, Massachusetts! This time, fans have brought signs as they are already familiar with some of the superstars of this new federation. Some signs that the camera catches are:
"JEFF AWESOME IS ON FIRE!" "DA WISEGUYS FEAR THE SOPRANOS" "ESPECTRO 6:66" "THE GUY BEHIND ME CAN'T SEE" "GEORGE WASHING MACHINE"
We then settle on the original Fearsome Threesome of wrestling commentators themselves: Tom Dolan, "The Incomparable" Casey Masters, and "Coach" Steve Morelli
DOLAN:"Welcome back to the BWF! Or if this is your first time..welcome aboard!" COACH:"Tom, if it's dey'ah foist time, dey missed a helluva show!" CASEY:"Scary...I actually agree with Coach on that." DOLAN:"We're in Boston! We're ready for action! We're ready for...."
"The Anthem" by Good Charlotte hits, cutting off Tom.
COACH:"......ready for da boss, apparently."
Indeed, it is BWF Commissioner Jared Mello making his way out to the ring, with a briefcase. The Commish gets in the ring and takes a microphone.
JARED:"Hey, Boston..how you doing tonight? (Crowd cheers) Alright!! Now you're probably wondering what's in the briefcase, so let me explain..last week was great, we had some amazing wrestling..but there's a problem......We are a federation without a champion..which is why I'm announcing a tournament for......this."
Jared reaches into the briefcase and pulls out a large, gold championship belt
JARED:"This belt represents the Bigtime Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Championship! The qualifying round matches for the tournament will take place over the course of the next few weeks, with the tournament itself to take place at our first Pay-Per-View, BWF Inception, at the end of the month!"
COACH:"WOW!"
JARED:"Unfortunately..there's something else I have to address tonight. Last week...something happenned which disgusted me.......Staci, run the damn tape."
The Big-Screen sparks to life.......
On the outside, Rhyannon is absolutely steamed, she is yelling insults at Jeff Awesome, but Awesome pays them no mind, as he manages to give Espectro a Michinoku Driver that goes right into a pinning position
DOLAN:"That's the Awesome Driver! Will that do it?"
KENSINGTON:"One!........
Two!........
THREE!!!"
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner........JEFF AWESOME!!!!"
COACH:"Dat was unbelievable! An'..hold on...." DOLAN:"What's Rhyannon doing?"
Rhyannon gets in the ring and reaches into her blouse for something...Espectro grabs Awesome from behind and Rhyannon blasts Awesome with a Fireball!
DOLAN:"MY GOD!!!!!!" COACH:"DAT WAS........DAT WAS...." CASEY:"HOLY *BEEEEEP*!!!!"
JARED:"Yeah.....I'm just as sickened by it as you guys are. Espectro! Rhyannon! Get your asses out here!"
Afer an uncomfortable wait, Marilyn Manson's Sweet Dreams Are Made of This hits as El Espectro del Muerte and Rhyannon arrive The dark duo step into the ring and Espectro stands face-to-face with the BWF Commissioner.
DOLAN:"How is this monster going to explain himself? What excuse can he possibly have?" COACH:"Fuhget dat, what's da boss gonna do ta'im?"
JARED:"Espectro.....what the Hell is wrong with you?! Did Awesome deserve that?! I shouUUUAAAGGHHKKK!"
Espectro clenches hs hand around the commissioner's throat
CASEY:"Wow....I don't particularly like our commissioner..but this is just wrong."
RHYANNON:"Do not address the Dark Lord in such a fashion again, mortal."
Espectro releases his grip
ESPECTRO:"And to answer your question, whelp: The man you call Awesome was obstructing my rise to power. When Rhyannon and I could not defeat him within the rules of your accursed wrestling federation, we simply destroyed him on our own terms. Do you wish to stand in the way of darkness as well?"
JARED:"Jeff Awesome is in the damn hospital! But, alright, Nutjob......you want to see an obstruction? You want to see something stand in the way of darkness? Well, guess what? Tonight, you have a qualifying match for the tournament at Inception..and your opponent is........BIG STEVE GRANT!" (Huge pop) "Oh, and Speck...you put your hands on me again, and you'll face suspension. Yeah, that goes for Sabrina over there, too. Bye!"
Jared exits the ring as Espectro and Rhyannon stalk off to the back shortly thereafter
COACH:"Wow! Espectro vs. Steve Grant tonight! DOLAN:"How will Espectro ever get past the five hundred pounder?" CASEY:"He'll find a way..maybe he'll get lucky and Grant will have a heart attack!" #nosmileys#nosmileys#nosmileys
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:36:12 GMT -5
"Samurai" by Handsome Devil hits as a man with short brown hair, wearing loose-fitting blue pants and a shirt bearing a blue-and-red yin/yang symbol makes his way to the ring
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Ladies and Gentlemen, the following Championship Tournament Qualiufying Match is scheduled for one fall! Now making his way to the ring, from San Diego, California; weighing in at 228 lbs..........AMERICAN SAMURAI!!!"
Samurai enters the ring and does a few martial arts katas for the crowd.
DOLAN:"American Samurai, coming to us as a former member of Japan's Rising Sun Puroresu........a top star there, despite his being American. He has an extensive martial arts background and is also a student of submission wrestling" COACH:"Jeez, might be hahd t'find a decent challenjah fo' da guy...."
"Cannonball" by the Breeders hits as the Cannonball Kid makes his way to the ring
CASEY:"HA! Hey look guys, it's Cannonball! Who ordered the squash?!" DOLAN:"Everyone deserves their shot, Casey."
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"And his opponent...... from Toronto, Ontario, Canada; weighing in at 155 lbs......... THE CANNONBALL KID!"
Cannonball enters the ring and goes to shake hands with the American Samurai..and the Samurai accepts it. The two lock up, where Samurai goes behind and delivers a German Suplex. Cannonball gets up and walks into a sidekick......The Samurai puts an STF on the downed Cannonball, which the Kid somehow powers out of.
COACH:"Da Kid's definitely got more guts den brains...but he just don't give up." CASEY:"Big deal...he's out of his league."
The Kid gets taken down and another STF is locked on..the Kid doesn't tap. the Kid attempts a dropkick, but Samurai grabs the leg and dragon-screws Cannonball....Samurai lifts up the downed Cannonball..and goes behind and locks on some sort of unusual neck submission.... Cannnonball is struggling
DOLAN:"I believe that this hold is based on pressure points..it's not typically seen in American wrestling...."
Cannonball taps to the hold, then Samurai helps him up, and the two exchange a handshake out of sportsmanship as the crowd cheers and the two leave sperately
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner......AMERICAN SAMURAI!!!!"
CASEY:"What'd I tell ya? Another squash for the shrimp...Kid should just give up and go home." COACH:"Kid's got guts..OOMPH, y'know? He'll win eventually..it's only his second week heah..giv'im a chance." DOLAN:"We have a women's match up next, between two debuiting talents...it will be Jacquelyn Hyde taking on Kristen Starr. This should be an interesting one......we have Barry O standing by with Jacquelyn Hyde..Barry?
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:37:46 GMT -5
We're in the Gorilla position...Barry O is standing there, in the garish Hawaiian shirt from last week. Standing with him is an African-American woman with an unusual hairstyle, who is wearing a white sleeveless midriff shirt and matching long tights..the woman is shaking nervously
BARRY O:"Greeings once again, BWF fans! I am still your roving reporter, Barry O, and I am standing here with.....Jacquelyn Hyde, is that correct?"
JACQUELYN HYDE:"Umm...yes, yes it is...."
BARRY O:"Alright then......Jacquelyn, tonight you are facing Kristen Starr......anything you'd like to say?"
JACQUELYN:"Y-yes, there is..something I'd lke to say...Kristen Starr..this is...this is a warning....a warning about this match...I..I don't want to hurt anyone.....I know I'm a wrestler and we have to fight..but..but I don't want to cause any trouble..I....I'm a nice girl most of the time, but....sometimes...sometimes.....something happens..and then.....then......well, let's just say it isn't anything I'm proud of.....Kristen, I'm sorry for whatever might happen tonight, I truly am."
Jacquelyn Hyde exits nervously.
BARRY O:"Why do I always interview the weirdos?" _______________________________________________________________________
COACH:"What da Hell was she talkin' about?" DOLAN:"Beats me...Casey?" CASEY:"Whatever it was, it didn't make any sense to me...maybe she's been hanging out with Justin Zane."
"I Love Rock & Roll" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts hits as a young woman wearing silver sequined pants and a black tanktop along with a sequined leather jacket and a white headband over her black hair approaches the ring, her right hand raised high in the three-fingered rock & roll salute ROBIN LeGRANDE:"The following women's match is scheduled for one fall! Now coming to the ring.....from Seattle, Washington and weighing in at 128 lbs..... KRISTEN STARR!!!!!!!!!!!"
Kristen Starr gets in the ring and awaits Jacquelyn Hyde, who soon arrives, to the strains of Linkin Park's "One Step Closer".
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"And her opponent...from Two Rivers, Wisconsin and weighing in at 137 lbs........JACQUELYN HYDE!!!!!!!"
COACH:"Innerestin' choice of entrance music."
Jacquelyn Hyde nervously enters the ring, but backs away from Starr as she attempts to shake hands in sportsmanship.... shrugging it off, Kristen hits Hyde with a standing dropkick, then another one as she returns to her feet. We can barely hear something via the house mic at this point.....
JACQUELYN:"Please don't.....please."
Jacquelyn is back up and receives a hurricanrana, then Kristen goes up and hits Hyde with a flying fistdrop......and Jacquelyn is down on the mat,clutching her head.
COACH:"Guys..I don't t'ink dat's cuzza da fistdrop....."
Jacquelyn springs up, and extends her arms upwards and outwards...a look of pure rage on her face.
CASEY:"This does not look good...." DOLAN:"Definitely not."
JACQUELYN: "YYYAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
CASEY:"She does a nice Incredible Hulk, I'll tell you that much."
After that scream, Jacquelyn Hyde just rushes at Kristen Starr with a seemingly endless flurry of puches and kicks.....and then locks on a Mandible Claw
DOLAN:"Um..my notes say she calls that the 'Mind Eraser'."
Kristen strugles briefly before tapping to the hold.
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner.....JACQUELYN HYDE!!!!!"
After the match, Barry O, microphone in hand, chases down a wild Jacquelyn Hyde.
BARRY O:"Jacquelyn..Jacquelyn,.please!!! What was that all about? First you say you don't want to hurt Kristen Starr..then THAT happens! Why?!"
JACQUELYN:"I KICKED HER *BEEP*ING ASS..AND I ENJOYED IT!!!!! I'LL KILL, CRUSH, AND MAIM ANYONE IN THIS COMPANY!! KILL! CRUSH! MAIM! YOU'RE ALL *BEEP*ING DEAD....NOW GET THE *BEEP* OUT OF MY....out of my....?"(looks around, confused)"..oh God..I have to leave now, Barry..I'm sorry, I truly am.....Goodbye."
The camera follows Jacquelyn quickly racing down the backstage corridors, and frantically getting into her car and speeding away from the arena.
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:40:03 GMT -5
CASEY:"....What the Hell?" COACH:"I'm just as confused as da boata'ya." DOLAN:"Let's just move on, shall we? Tag team action is next up, as we debut two new teams."
"Dogs of War" by Motorhead hits as two dark-haired men, one moderately larger than the other, both wearing black pants, green shirts with black tanktops over them, and combat boots make their way to the ring
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Now making their way to the ring, from Paris Island, South Carolina and weighing in at a total combined weight of 517 lbs...TANK AND RIGGER.....HEAVY ARTILLERY!"
DOLAN:"These two brothers come to us from the United States Marine Corps.....they say they're going to prove why they're tougher then anyone else here."
Heavy Artillery enter the ring and befogin doing push-ups in the ring...they return to their feet awaiting their opponents...as the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" hits and two men wearing blue tights with a yellow pattern down the sides hit the ring......one's is muscular witth brown hair and the other is slender and blonde.
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"And their opponents...from Denver, Colorado and Amsterdam, The Netherlands, respectively.....at a total combined weight of 462 lbs....STEVE WILSON..... HANS HENDRIKS....THE TRANS-ATLANTIC EXPRESS!"
COACH:"Denvah an' Amsterdam? How da Hell did dese two become a team?" DOLAN: "I believe that they met while attending wrestling school together..the two have been great friends ever since."
The Express enter the ring and mount opposite turnbuckles with their fists in the air, then quickly jump down. The bell rings as the brown-hiared memeber of the Express starts off with the smaller memeber of Heavy Artillery
DOLAN:"That's Wilson and Rigger starting us off."
Rigger hits Wilson with a normal suplkex, but Wilson is right back up and he fires Rigger into the corner with some punches...unfortunately, it's Rigger's own corner, and he quickly tags in his brother.
DOLAN:"And here comes Big Tank!"
Tank steps in as Rigger exits..Tank then hits Wilson with a powerbomb, then legdrops him. Wilson slowly gets up and then boots Tank in the face, only dizzying him, then hits a dropkick to knock him down
CASEY:"C'mon, Tank! You guys can beat these mismatched morons!"
Wilson quickly makes it to his corner, where he tags in Hendriks!
COACH:"Da Dutchman comin' in now."
Hendriks goes up top and immendiately hits Rigger with a miisile dropkick The ref is attempting to get Wilson out of the ring, so he doesn't see Tank come in and go after Hendriks...Hendriks, however, sees him coming in and hurricanranas him! All four men begin going at it.
DOLAN:"All hell has broken loose!"
Wilson is back up..and he gives Rigger a fallaway slam.Hendriks goes up and hits the fallen Rigger with a Somersault Leg Drop
DOLAN:"The Trans-Atlantic Flight!"
Hendriks pins rigger as Wilson fights off Tank...referee Melissa Ladish goes dowm to make the count.
LADISH:"One!.........
Two!...........
THREE!"
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winners....THE TRANS-ATLANTIC EXPRESS!!!!"
COACH:"Whadda match! Hold on...Tank ain't done."
Tank furiously powerbombs Wilson..then signals to Rigger, who grabs Hendriks from behind and gives him an Atomic Drop, leaving the dizzied Dutchman to be speared by Tank!
CASEY:"YES!" DOLAN:"These sore losers, Heavy Artillery, just hit Hendriks with thier signature maneuver, the Cruise Missile! Folks..up next we ha..*static*...Hmm? What's that, Staci? Techni--*static*...dififcu..*static....the static soon overtakes the screen*
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:40:37 GMT -5
Suddenly, our screen is filled with the image of rapidly changing TV stations......
M*A*S*H >CLICK!< The Osbournes >CLICK!< An Eminem video >CLICK!< Austin Powers >CLICK!< An old Bugs Bunny cartoon >CLICK!< The Simpsons >CLICK!< We pan out and see a back view of somebody watching TV while nodding his head approvingly, then the screen goes to these words:
BRANDON COMING TO THE BWF
STAY TUNED......
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:44:13 GMT -5
The Gorilla Position again. This time, Erica's got interview duty as she is seen standing by with Discoman, in his orange 1970s-style garb.
ERICA:"I am standing here with Discoman. Discoman, tonight you face Justin Zane in your debut match...your thoughts?"
DISCOMAN:"OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Tonight, the Groove Train rolls into Boston! And when it comes time to take on Justin Zane, I'm gonna dance my way straight to a victory!! Boston will feel the Dance Fever.........By the way, the Groove Train has room for some passengers if you're not busy tonight, Sweet Thing...you interested in riding?"
ERICA:"Not a chance."
DISCOMAN:"Your loss, babe..now if you'll excuse me, the Discoman has to get funky like a monkey, and make Justin Zane my flunky! OWWW!!!!!"
Discoman leaves the gorilla position.....
ERICA:"......Jerk. Back to you guys." _______________________________________________________________________ "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones is playing as we have Justin Zane already in the ring
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"The following Championship Tournament Qualifying Match is scheduled for one fall! Currnetly in the ring....from Bellevue, New York, weighing in at 227 lbs...JUSTIN ZANE!!! And his opponent....."
"Funkytown" by Lipps, Inc.hiys as Discoman comes out on the entry way and disco dances for the crowd..who are booing him due to the combination of the dance and his physique
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"From Funky Town, USA and weighing in at 358 lbs....DISCOMAN!!!!"
Discoman enters the ring and does some more dancing for the crowd, only to receive more boos
CASEY:"Why are they booing this guy? All he's doing is entertaining the fans." COACH:"Do dey SOUND entertained, Casey? The guy is severely out-of-shape, and can't dance." DOLAN:"But the question should be: can he wrestle?
Justin Zane hits a dropkick on Discoman, but it doesn't seem to affect him...Discoman then grabs Justin and.....
DOLAN:"Backbreaker!"
A big splash on Zane only gets two, and then Discoman dances some more for the crowd, and gets booed again. Zane is stll down,and Discoman hits a pair of elbowdrops. Justin is back up, and hurricanranas Discoman, then goes up top and hits a flying elbowdrop on him.... COACH:"Hold on a mnute....."
"Too Hot" Tom Bonham has come down the aisle with a steel chair..he gets in the ring and drills Zane with it as the referee calls for the bell. Discoman then hits Zane with a running powerbomb
Dolan"My God! The Disco Drop! After that jackass Tom Bonham hit Zane with a chair!"
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner, by disqualification, JUSTIN ZANE!"
Barry O chases down Tom Bonham with a microphone
BARRY O:"Tom! Tom Bonham! Why? Why did you interfere in this match and strike Jusitn Zane with a chair?"
TOO HOT:"Barry......I'm one of the true Beautiful People! And that....lunatic, Justin Zane, managed to beat me last week? I don't think so, so I'm going to do whatever I can to show Zane..and all these fat, out of shape, Massachusetts Morons, why they need to marvel at the Hottest Man in Wrestling Today!"
BARRY O:"That's one egomaniac's opinion..back to the announce desk."
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:45:40 GMT -5
DOLAN:"Alright, up next we have another qualiftying match for the tournament, between two debuting wrestlers, as Ace Diamond takes on Ian MacTroch!"
"Highway to Hell" by AC/DC hits as a large, long-haired and bearded man wearing sunglasses, a leather jacket over a black tanktop and.a kilt makes his way to the ring on a motorcycle.
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"The following Championship Tournament Qualifying Match is scheduled for one fall! Now making his way to the ring......from Edinburgh, Scotland.........standing at 7 feet and weighing in at 395 lbs.......IAN MACTROCH!!!"
CASEY:"This guy's huge..I haven't even seen this Diamond guy yet..but my money's already on MacTroch!" DOLAN:"Yes, he is a large man...but I wouldn't make any picks until you see Ace Diamond
The Scotsman parks his motorcycle outside the ring as he enters the ring and removes his leather jacket and sunglasses, then raises both arms in the air and awaits his opponent.
Metallica's "Seek and Destroy" hits as a man with brown hair, black tights with a purple design, and a black tanktop bearing a purple diamond insignia makes his way to the ring with a serious expression on his face.
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"And his opponent...from Providene, Rhode Island and weighing in at 247lbs.......ACE DIAMOND!!!!!"
COACH:"Whaddaya know 'bout Ace Diamond, Tom?" DOLAN:"He's been in the business for years, and actually trained at the infamous Stu Hart Dungeon in Calgary. He never followed any of his late teacher's other students into any feds tho, saying he wanted to strike out on his own..he's 33 and has been wrestling professionally since he was 21." COACH:"Twelve yeahs of experience..wow." CASEY:"A Dungeon graduate, eh? Should be fun......"
Diamond enters the ring as the bell rings, and immediately hits MacTroch with a belly-to-belly suplex, then hooks on a leglock. MacTroch powers out and picks Diamond up in a huge powerbomb. Diamond is down but not out, as he uses his right leg to trip up the Scotsman and send hm crashing to the canvas., then locks on a Boston Crab
COACH:"Smaht maneuvah'in by Diamond..woikin' dat leg.."
Diamnond releases the crab....then MacTroch attempts another powerbomb, but Diamond drops him backwards and then locks on a Sharpshooter.
DOLAN:"Yes, it is a Sharpshooter, but he calls it the Diamond Deathlock!" CASEY:"What..how..no way, this guy's 7 feet and near 400 pounds..he'll find his way out..."
MacTroch striuggles..and then taps!
ROBIIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner......ACE DIAMOND!!!!!"
DOLAN:"Ace Diamond advances to the tournament and folks, up next is our main event and qualifying match, El Espectro del Muerte taking on Big Steve Grant!"
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Post by Jared Steele on Feb 28, 2004 19:46:54 GMT -5
"Sweet Dreams Are Made of This" hits as Rhyannon and El Espectro make their way to the ring to the biggest chorus of boos you've ever heard
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"The following Championship Tournament Qualifying Match is scheduled for one fall! Now making his way to the ring.... being accompanied to the ring by Rhyannon......hailing from The Seventh Circle and weighing in at 224 pounds.........EL ESPECTRO DEL MUERTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
DOLAN:"This monster! Hopefully tonight, he'll get what's coming to him!"
"Larger Than Huge" then comes on as Big Steve Grant comes out to a huge chorus of cheers
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"His opponent, from Billings, Montana, he tips the scales at an amazing 500 lbs., BIG STEVE GRANT!"
Grant enters the ring and motions "Bring it on" to Espectro
COACH:"Dis is it....put up or shut up! Da moment of judgement!" CASEY:"Yeah..but whose judgement is it?"
Grant hits Espectro with a massive powerbomb, before bouncing off the ropes with a big leg drop.
COACH:"Grant's puttin' his all inta dis.....he knows it's a shot at da toinament..." DOLAN:"Or maybe he just hates El Espectro."
Espectro gets up slowly, then begins yelling at the referee.
CASEY:"Hmm..not sure why he's doing this...."
Rhyannon gets up on the apron, and slaps Grant! She quickly jumps down...and Grant runs after her......and straight into a chairshot by the Gothic luchadore.
CASEY:"Ahh...now I see. HA!" COACH:"Dis is insane!"
Referee Jesse Kensington begins a ten count as Espectro re-enters the ring.
KENSINGTON:"One!.....Two!........Three!.........Four!...."
DOLAN:"Big Steve..still not moving..and...where's Rhyannon going?"
Rhyannon runs to the back.
KENSINGTON:"Five!........Six!..........Seven!.......Eight!.........Nine!........."
Rhyannon returns..driving a forklift!
COACH:"Why..why does she have dat forklift?"
KENSINGTON:"TEN!!!"
ROBIN LeGRANDE:"Your winner, by count-out.......EL ESPECTRO DEL MUERTE!!!!"
CASEY:"Woohoo! But.....oh boy, this is not good. "
Rhyannon drives the forklift towards Grant, and uses it to pick him up and carry him backstage as Espectro follows.
DOLAN:"What..what is this monster doing? Folks..folks, we're out of time, we're sorry! Please tune in next week!"
The screen fades out as Insanity goes off the air.#nosmileys
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