wOw Primetime 4/4

[HeartBurn Kid]

(Show opens on interior of RD's office. Jared Steele storms in.)
JS: RD, I'm gonna find him tonight, and I'm gonna make him pay.
RD: Who?
JS: No, not Neidhart! The Phantom!
RD: ...Jared, I keep warning you, you don't want to do that. Wait. Be patient. Let him come to you.
JS: Every single day that Missy is in that psycho's hands, she's in more and more danger! I can't just let her get hurt!
(Steele turns to leave.)
RD: Jared, don't! He's trying--
(Steele storms out.)
RD: ...He's trying to make you do something stupid like this.

(Our usual opening sequence, set to "Champion", opens the show. We go to the commentary position, where Barry Windham is all alone).
BW: YEE-HAW! Welcome, everyone, to wOw Primetime! This here's ol' "Big Foot", Barry Windham, and I got some big news about out vacant commentary position!
(Barry's cut off, as "Cloud Connected" hits. HBK comes storming out, looking ready to kill somebody.)
BW: But that'll have to wait, 'cuz here comes my former broadcast colleague!
(HBK takes a mic, and gets in the ring.)
HBK: I'm sure everybody saw Impending Destruction...
(The crowd pops.)
HBK: Yeah. I'm sure everybody saw the show, and saw what happened to the International belt. The MBWF belt. MY belt. So, I'm gonna make this real simple. Ho, you've got no right to wear that belt. You blundered into it, like you *beep*in' blunder into everything, and it gets cheapened with every second around your waist. So, I'm going to say this, and I'm only gonna say it once: It is now my personal mission in life to see that belt removed from your waist and handed to a more deserving competitor--namely, ME!
(Crowd pops again, and then again as "Hell's Bells" hits. John Roche makes his way out to the ring. He gets his own mic, and climbs in.)
JR: So... What's this I hear about "your belt?"
HBK: You heard me.
JR: You're damn right I heard you. I chased that belt for years... and at ID3, I finally had my shot. And it got blown by that bastard, He Hate Me, and that walking fuckup, Inita Ho! I should have won that match! That belt should have been mine! But then, that's not the first time that I should have won that belt... but then, it is the first shot I ever got at it, no matter how hard I worked.
HBK: You got a point with all this, Roche?
JR: You're damn right I do! You handed out shots to J-Rad... to Ragnarok... to Big Eli King... hell, you even gave a shot to that Iron Shamrock guy... but not once did I ever get a shot at you. You spent your whole damn time dodging me--
(HBK interrupts by slapping JR)
HBK: Let's get this straight: I DODGE NOBODY.
(JR puts his hand to his face for a second, then takes a swing at HBK. A brawl ensues, and the ring is flooded with zebras to pull the two apart, as "Cannonball" hits and Commissioner Reynolds comes out on the stage.)
RD: Stop it, stop right now! I have something to say, damnit!
(JR and HBK stop and look over to RD)
RD: I really oughta thank you two, since, up until a second ago, this show had no Hour 1 Main Event. But you two have given me a superb idea. So.. in that very ring... it will be "The HeartBurn Kid" Chris Dobbs vs. John Roche, in a #1 Contenders' Match for the International Title! And that, my friends, is final!
("Cannonball" hits again, and RD makes his way back. HBK smiles, while Roche starts nodding. The two exchange a little trash talk as we go to commercial)

[HeartBurn Kid]

(Cut to backstage, where Chris Freestone is arriving. Jared Steele shows up out of nowhere, stomping through like a man on a mission.)
JS: Move it, Freestone!
(Freestone tries to move, but isn't fast enough for Jared, who tosses him into the nearby loading dock door. Freestone drops like a sack of bricks as Steele moves on. We cut back to the arena, and "BBQ" is playing as Oklahoma takes a seat at the commentary position)
BW: Stick a fork in that boy, he's yabba-dabba-done! Now, what I was trying to tell you folks was that we'll be having tryouts for the open commentary position on this Primetime and the next! Watch both shows, then log onto dubohdub.com and vote for the person that you want to see calling matches right here beside me! And here's our first auditioner, Oklahoma!
OK: Bah gawd, Barry! It's good to be back behind the commentary table again!
BW: Well, don't get too comfortable there, Okie, because that little business with HBK and Roche ate up one of your segments.
OK: Bah gawd! Bah gawd! Those jezebels!
("Dirrty" hits, as Jocelyn Richter and Lori Angel make their way out. It's replaced by "Bittersweet Symphony" as Grace and Mary, the Mercy Sisters, make their entrance.)

MATCH 1:

JOCELYN RICHTER & LORI ANGEL v. THE MERCY SISTERS

Jocelyn and Grace start, They seesaw back and forth to begin, but Grace eventually gains the upper hand, forcing Richter back into her corner.

OK: Jocelyn taking control early on...
BW: I just hope you don't expect me to yell, "Puppies!" or something.

Grace tosses Jocelyn back into the corner, then tags in Mary. The Mercys drill Jocelyn repeatedly with shoulders to the midsection, until she drops. Mary then hits her with a double stomp, then teases the crowd for a bit. Jocelyn slides in from behind, and rolls up Mary... 1... 2... Mary kicks out! Both women quickly back to their feet, and Mary drills Jocelyn with a kick to the midsection. She then grabs Richter's arm, and jumps into a cross armbreaker. Richter quickly finds the ropes, but Mary refuses to let go! The ref counts... 1... 2.. 3.. 4... Mary finally lets go, and gets into a shouting match with the ref... which is all the opportunity that Jocelyn needs to throw Mary back into her corner! Rather than pressing her advantage, Jocelyn goes back to her own corner, and makes the tag to Lori. Lori meets the tagged-back-in Grace with a right hand, then another, then sends Grace back into the ropes. About this time, Poison makes her way out. Jocelyn sees her, and starts yelling at her from the apron. Poison gives her a "Who, me?" look, and says she's only here for the action.

OK: Bah gawd! What's this jezebel got in mind?
BW: (in a bad spanish accent) You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Meanwhile, Lori is getting dominated by the Mercys, with only sporadic bursts of offense. At one point, she almost makes a tag to Jocelyn, but Jocelyn is too distracted by Poison to notice, and doesn't reach for it, so Mary catches her first. Finally, Mary makes the tag to Grace, then picks up Lori in a spinebuster position...

BW: Here it comes... they call it the Mercy Killing.
OK: Hey! I'm supposed to be the play-by-play man around here!
BW: Bite me, you weak-ass Jim Ross wannabe. I call moves on Primetime!

The Mercys hit the Mercy Killing, and Grace goes for the cover... 1... 2... Jocelyn goes for the save, but trips as she realizes that Poison had surrepititously used her handcuffs to cuff Jocelyn's ankle to the bottom rope!

WINNERS: THE MERCY SISTERS

The Mercys go for a post-match beating, but Poison holds them off Jocelyn with her bat, saying, "She's mine!" The Mercys take the hint, and content themselves with Lori. Poison grabs the mic, and crouches over by Jocelyn's face...

P: Poor, poor little Jocelyn Richter. Not so tough without your boys to do your dirty work, now are you? See, I ain't got nobody to take care of my problems for me... just Slash here (nods towards bat)... and speaking of which, I don't think you two have properly met!

Poison winds up with her bat, and lays in a blow to Richter's midsection! She winds up for another blow, but Potsmoker and Simmons come dashing out, Poison makes her escape, and contines from the aisle.

P: Here's the deal, pretty girl... I want you. I want you... in a Heavy Metal Riot Grrl Cage Match! (grins) I know you're not in a position to talk right now, so if you accept, just sit there and writhe in pain, clutching your abs like a little *beep*!

Poison drops the mic, then starts performing simulated foreplay on her bat as "Rocket Queen" hits.

[HeartBurn Kid]

As we come back from break, Harry Potsmoker and Jayce Simmons are brawling in the ring!

BW: Folks, what you're watching here is not a sanctioned match... When Harry Potsmoker and Jayce Simmons both came out at the same time to rescue their mutual manager, Jocelyn Richter, we all knew it wouldn't take long for them to turn on each other!

As they continue to fight, "Money Talks" by AC/DC starts to play, and Matthew Lesko (the guy in the question-mark-bedecked suit from the infomercials for books about free government aid) makes his way out to the announce position.

BW: And our next commentator candidate, Matthew Lesko. Matt, what do you think of this brawl here?
ML: Well, both men would be much happier and less angry if they had read my NEW book about how to get MILLIONS of FREE dollars from government programs!
BW: ...
ML: Too much, right? Maybe I shouldn't have started out plugging my book?
BW: ... That's the most sensible thing I've heard all night.

Potsmoker has the upper hand now, and is stomping Simmons into the corner, when "Mope" hits. Silent Storm, now wearing a pink gi instead of his usual blue one, comes out, holding a mic.

SS: Hay yuo playa hatas i got a match next so get out da ring befor i bust out teh dark horse on your sorry butts!!!!!!!1

Silent Storm climbs into the fray, then gets quickly beaten by both men and tossed out before they continue their fight. They continue to fight all around the ringside area until RD Reynolds runs out, interjecting himself bodily between the two combatants.

RD: STOP RIGHT NOW! What the hell do you two think you're doing? What kind of show do you think I'm running here? The two of you ought to be ashamed! The way we run things around here, is scores get settled in THAT ring, with a referee, in the confines of a sanctioned match! Not in a wild brawl that puts you, the other wrestlers, and the fans at ringside in danger! I oughta suspend the both of you! But... I'm not. Instead, I'm going to give you what you want, kind of. You want each other so bad, you got each other in the main event! But I don't trust you two to go one-on-one, oh no. Each of you is going to have to find a tag team partner that will help keep you two under control! You understand?
(Both men nod and smile)
RD: Then get the hell back to the locker room, and let's have our next match! (grabs a program from Windham's commentary position) Let's see... next up, it's Silent Storm vs. Chris Freestone. Storm's here, let's bring Freestone out!

Silent Storm staggers to his feet and climbs into the ring, as "Bedrock Anthem" hits...

MATCH 2:
Silent Storm vs. Chris Freestone

...and plays, until it's apparent that Freestone isn't coming out. A backstage official comes out and talks to the ring announcer, who announces, "Chris Freestone is unable to compete tonight, so your winner by forfeit, Silent Storm!" Mope hits again!

WINNER: SILENT STORM (by forfeit)

Storm starts jumping around like he just won the world series! He grabs a mic...

SS: I knew my new fighting style would see me thru yo i wanna thank my sensei dan hibiki who taught me my killer new fighting style for only 4 easy payments of $39.95 lol!!!!!!!111

Storm proceeds to give an impromptu, and very clumsy, demonstration of Saikyo in the ring.,

BW: Yeesh... you gotta be kidding me.
ML: You know, I think there's a few grants in that book of mine for the mentally underdeveloped... Mr. Storm might want to look into that.

[HeartBurn Kid]

(As we come back, Steele is still backstage. He comes upon Mr. PAV and Gaylord Focker drinking coffee.)
JS: Hey! You two were in the ring when the Phantom made his appearance... you HAVE to know something. What the hell happened in there?
PAV: Hey, now, I don't know anything! The guy jumped me from behind, and not in a good way!
(Steele grabs PAV by the lapels and rams him into a nearby wall. PAV drops.)
JS: Wrong answer. How about you, Focker?
GF: Ummm... I think I saw him go into the kitchen there.
(Steele storms off into the kitchen, just as Barry Horowitz comes out in a catering uniform, holding a dessert tray. Steele shoves Horowitz aside, knocking his tray over and covering Horowitz in fluffy pastry.)

We come back to ringside as "Hell's Bells" is playing and John Roche makes his entrance.

BW: HBK and Roche have some old scores to settle, and they've been rekindled by the Inita Ho situation... this one oughta be a doozy!
ML: A "doozy"? I had no idea that people still talked like that...

The music changes to "Cloud Connected" as "The HeartBurn Kid" Chris Dobbs makes his way out, and Roche meets him in the aisle, not wanting to wait to get started!

MATCH 3:
"The HeartBurn Kid" Chris Dobbs vs. John Roche

ML: Roche not wasting any time!

Roche takes the fight to HBK to start, brawling with him outside the ring, HBK eventually counters a punch, and gains the upper hand, using it to get Roche into the ring. HBK follows in, only to get clipped on his entrance from a chop block by Roche to his injured knee. HBK crumples to the mat, clutching his injured knee. Roche goes immediately to work, locking in a standing knee bar, but HBK makes it to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break. HBK uses the ropes to get to his feet, and now HBK and Roche circle each other, HBK now with a noticeable limp.

BW: Roche being smart here, working HBK's weak point.

They go for a tie-up, and Roche gains the upper hand, backing HBK into a corner. Roche presses the advantage with a series of (WHOO!) chops. Roche then attempts to whip HBK into the opposite corner, but HBK reverses it into a short-arm clothesline, the force of which takes HBK off his feet as well. Dobbs uses the ropes to climb up, then springboards off the second rope into a splash... 1... 2... Roche kicks out. Roche beats HBK to his feet, but catches a shoulder to the stomach for his trouble. HBK throws a couple of punches, driving Roche back into the corner, then whips him into the opposite corner, and follows in with a flying knee... which Roche ducks, sending HBK's good knee crashing into the turnbuckle!

BW: HBK's in a real bad way now! He's working on two injured wheels!

Roche presses the advantage again, locking HBK into a Boston Crab... but HBK uses his upper body strength to fight his way to the ropes. Roche releases the hold, but then yanks HBK away from the ropes while he's still holding them, causing him to get pancaked on the mat! Roche, sensing victory, sets up HBK for the Raid Driver...but HBK reverses it into a vertical suplex! He then rolls over, still holding Roche, and delivers another! He rolls over and stands... and this time, hooks the leg into a Fisherman's Suplex! The ref counts... 1... 2... 3! HBK gets up, and raises his hands, still limping... but the ref pulls his hand back down! The ref and HBK argue for a second as Roche gets up, then the ref goes to the ring announcer, who announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has counted BOTH men's shoulders on the mat! This match is a DRAW!" HBK and Roche both start staring down the referee evilly, and the referee, realizing that discretion is the better part of valor, makes a retreat.

ML: Look at that! This issue isn't over yet, folks! These guys are going to meet again somewhere down the line!
BW: But what about the International Title? Who's our Number 1 Contender?

[HeartBurn Kid]

We come back backstage, as Lesko's entering the dressing room. Killer Moth comes up.

KM: Hey! The Riddler! Long time no see man! How you doing? Still giving Batman hell?
ML: What the hell are you talking about?!
KM: Riddler? Why are you brushing me off like that? It's your old poker buddy, Killer Moth!
ML: I'm not the Riddler, damnit! I'm Matthew Lesko!
KM: ... Who?
ML: Matthew Lesko! You know, the "You can get FREE MONEY from government programs!" guy?
KM: ... Ohhh... I get it...
ML: Finally...
KM: ... You're In-Cog-Knee-Toe. Well, don't worry, "Matthew", your secret's safe with me... (glances to the camera) and the camera guy... and the millions of people watching this at home... oh, crap.

Lesko seizes the opportunity to make his escape.

Back to the arena, as "Captain Lou" by Captain Lou Albano is playing, as out comes... you guessed it... Captain Lou Albano! He takes a seat at the commentary position.

BW: And our next contender in the Commentator Tryouts, the legendary Captain Lou Albano! How ya been, Lou?
LA: OHHHHH! IbeengreatthereBarry,Ibeengreat! Ican'tthinkofasingleplaceI'dratherbethanrighthereonPrimetimecallingallthisgreataction!
BW: Woah, there, pardner... wanna slow it down for ol' Big Foot?
("Barbie Girl" hits as Mr. PAV starts to make his way out.)
BW: Nevermind, no time for that, folks! We've got a special... err... treat for ya, as we're about to present the very first Anal Explosion match in broadcast television history!
("One Step Closer" hits, as Apocalypse makes his way out!)


MATCH 4: ANAL EXPLOSION MATCH
Mr. PAV vs. Apocalypse

Apocalypse squashes PAV with his usual small assortment of sloppy moves, with PAV getting absolutely 0 offense in.

WINNER: APOCALYPSE

After the match, Apocalypse gets the bottle rocket; in the meantime, Mr. PAV pulls down his tights, looking like he's waiting for this. Suddenly, a man in a shirt and tie hops the barricade, gets in the ring, and yanks the bottle rocket out of Apocalypse's hand! Apocalypse turns around, and attempts to take out the newcomer with a clothesline, but he ducks, and Apocalypse's momentum takes him sailing out of the ring! The newcomer gets on the mic...

FCC: Ladies and gentlemen, allow myself to introduce... myself. My name is Frederick C. Chricton, and I have come here with one purpose in mind--to stop depravity like this from making its way onto our airwaves and corrupting the fragile minds of America! Where is the educational value in this display of debauchery? Where is the redeeming social virtue? No, this CANNOT be allowed to air! (Crowd boos) You can boo me if you want, but I take solace in the fact that I am saving you from yourselves, and saving you from this crap! No longer will the Moral Majority stay silent while you... BEASTS... drag this nation through your filth! From this day forward, you will come to know, I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU ALL!

PAV approaches FCC, screaming at him, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

BW: Mr. PAV, taking exception to Mr. Chricton's actions here...
LA: ThisPAV,thisPAV,he'sonesickperson!He'sgotabrainaboutthesizeofadehydratedBB,buthe'snotabadguy!

FCC then kicks PAV in the gut, and walks out of the ring.

[HeartBurn Kid]

As we come back, we're backstage in the kitchen with Jared Steele, and a banner across the bottom of the screen says "During the Break".

BW: Ladies and gentlemen, this took place during the break.... Jared thought he'd finally found the Phantom...

The Phantom's laughter comes from inside the walk-in freezer. Jared goes in, the camera guy close behind, and Jared roots around, only to find a tape recorder. He then suddenly hears the freezer door slam. He and the camera guy run back to the door, only to find it closed and locked, and the Phantom laughing at them through the window from the outside! Cut to now, outside the freezer, where refs are examining the freezer door, which appears to have had the lock damaged...

BW: It looks like that there door is jammed! Jared and our cameraman are trapped!
LA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!ItellyaGeorge,thisguyThePhantomisonebaddude,Itellsya!Hereallytakestheproverbialtaco!

Cut elsewhere backstage, where Dexter Hart is warming up. Jim Neidhart comes in.

JN: Don't do this, man. This isn't your fight.
DH: Now, Jim, I have the utmost respect for you, and hell, for the whole Hart family, and that's exactly why I am doing this, whether you like it or not. These bastards have to learn that you just don't mess with the Hart family! Now HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!

Dexter walks out. Back to the arena, where "War Machine" is playing. Joey Numbers makes his way out, mic in hand, and being accompanied by Travis Corleone.

JN: Hey, Jimmy! One thing you oughta learn... Never, EVER trust a Sicilian! Man, did we ever put one over on you! And now, I'm gonna show you what I got in store for ya. Send out the victim!

"HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME!" and "Never Been a Right Time to Say Goodbye" hits as Dexter Hart makes his way out to the ring. He enters the ring, and wastes no time, going right into a shoulder ram!

MATCH 5:
Joey Numbers v. Dexter Hart

Dexter takes the advantage early on, backing Numbers into the corner, then going for the mounted ten-punch, but Numbers atomic drops him out of it.

BW: An update on the Jared Steele situation... a locksmith has been called, but, by all estimates, he won't get here until well after we're off the air. Here's hoping Steele can hold out!
AL: Fuhgeddaboutdat,George!Takealookatthisaction!This'Ulio,this'Ulio...

Numbers goes on to control most of the match, showing off a dazzling array of suplexes, until Dex makes a comeback! Dex heeps moving, trying to stagger the big man... and finally takes him down with a flying shoulderblock! Dex, feeling it, hits the second-rope elbow, then goes for the Sharpshooter, but Numbers pushes Hart off with his legs... and straight into the ref, who goes down hard! It doesn't take long for GoodFellas, Inc., to show up after that..,

BW: C'mon! This ain't right! This just ain't right!
LA: Thisisteamwork,George!Don'tyougetit?!

GFi beat Dex senseless. The ref gets up just as Numbers is putting Dex in that northern lights powerbomb...

BW: And Numbers with the Rocket Buster... as if it was even necessary at this point.

Numbers gets the academic cover.

WINNER: JOEY NUMBERS

After the match, GoodFellas, Inc. come back in to continue the beatdown, but Jim Neidhart shows up, swinging a chair! The oWo clear the ring, as Hart gets on the mic and pulls himself to his feet...

DH: *pant* *pant* Hey! I'm getting pretty damn sick of this... every time we try to have a match with you, you all have to come running in and *pant* ruin it and lay in the beatdown. *pant* Well, if we're gonna have to fight all of you anyway, let's do it right! *pant* At Electric Supernova III, let's make it the Hart Foundation 2k4 vs. The Old World Order, 3-on-2!

The oWo quickly agree, while Jim stares at Dex in disbelief, finally letting out a "What?" as we go to commercial.

[HeartBurn Kid]

(OOC: Sorry about the delay. Real life intrudes...)

As we come back, Hart and Neidhart are getting backstage.

JN: What in the hell do you think you're doing, Dex?
DH: What do you mean?
JN: I mean, first you stick your nose in my business when I've repeatedly asked you not to, and then you go and sign us up for a handicap match?
DH: Well, first off, you needed help, and I respect you, so I helped. And those guys aren't gonna leave us alone until we teach 'em a lesson, Hart Foundation style!
JN: We're not the Hart Foundation, Dex! You're not even a real Hart! You're just some little fanboy who wants to pretend!
DH: But I...
JN: Read my lips, Dex: I didn't want your help, I didn't ask for your help, and now I'm going to do what you couldn't do--I'm gonna leave you to the mess that YOU created! I never agreed to that match at Electric Supernova III, and I'm bowing out of it right now, before my life gets even worse!
(Neidhart stomps off, leaving Dexter on the verge of tears.)
DH: ... FINE! SEE IF I CARE! I'll find myself ANOTHER partner... and he'll be 10 TIMES the wrestler that you are! And he'll have enough INTEGRITY to stand by his friends! You hear that, Neidhart?! YOU HEAR THAT?!

Dexter's still on the verge of tears as we go back to ringside, where "World's Greatest" by R. Kelley is playing as none other than Tony Schiavone makes his way out. He steps over to the commentary position.

BW: And our next contestant in the commentator tryouts, Tony Schiavone!
TS: Thank you, Barry Windham! I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the greatest night in the history of our great sport!
BW: Ummm... yeah...

"Calling Dr. Love" hits, as Dr. Dan Darsow makes his way out to the ring, It's quickly replaced by "She Hates Me" as He Hate Me makes his way out, looking ready to kill.

MATCH 6:
Dr. Dan Darsow vs. He Hate Me

Another squash match (with Tony calling it "The greatest match EVAR!!!" several times), which finally, and mercifully ends when He Hate Me finishing off the Dr. with a spear-like tackle.

WINNER: HE HATE ME

After them match, He Hate Me puts on his NFC championship ring, and punches Darsow several times with it, all the while screaming, "THIS! SHOULD! HAVE! BEEN! A! SUPER! BOWL! RING!"

[HeartBurn Kid]

We come back to the arena, as "Faithless" hits. Harry Potsmoker and Chris Cassidy make their way out.

BW: Both the teams in this here match are fan favorites, but they have no love for each other! This is going to be interesting...
TS: I think we're going to see something SHOCKING tonight! THIS IS THE GREATEST PRIMETIME EVER!
BW: Woo-ee, son, I think you need to lay off the caffeine there. And what was with the head-nodding thing there during the break?
TS: I need my beauty rest!

"Cannonball" hits as Jayce Simmons and Michael Picard make their way out. As soon as they get in the ring, the Death Eaters attack!

MAIN EVENT:

Harry Potsmoker and Chris Cassidy vs. Jayce Simmons and Michael Picard.

Potsmoker and Simmons brawl each other to the outside, while inside, Cassidy takes control of Picard--until Picard counters a hurracanrana into a powerbomb, hurting Cassidy's notoriously weak back! Picard continues to work the back, slowly working Cassidy into his corner to make the tag to Simmons (who by this time has broken off the festivities with Potsmoker

BW: Simmons and Potsmoker may be the stars in this match, but don't count their partners out; Picard is quite an accomplished wrestler, while Cassidy has made a habit out of getting upset victories.
TS: IT'S SO UNPREDICTABLE! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!
BW: Uhhh... right.

Simmons keeps up with the back-working, at one point locking Cassidy in a Mexican Surfboard, which Cassidy eventually manages to fight his way out of using back elbows. Simmons is finally forced to released the hold, but Cassidy is drained. Simmons picks up The Upstart, looking to put him away, but Cassidy rolls Simmons into a small package! 1... 2.... Simmons kicks out just a hair from three.

BW: HE GOT 'IM! HE... ALMOST got 'im. This Cassidy's a dangerous competitor, he can beat you at any time.

Cassidy somehow manages to make his feet before Simmons, and stuns Simmons with a couple of kicks. He then launches into the ropes, bouncing off... right into a flapjack by Simmons. But, Simmons does this a bit close to the Death Eaters' corner, and Cassidy tags Potsmoker on his way down!

TS: HE TAGGED! HE TAGGED! THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR GREAT SPORT!
BW: Looks like this match is just getting started!

Potsmoker comes in on fire, handing out fists to Simmons... until the ref forces him out of the ring.

BW: Looks like the ref didn't catch the tag...

Potsmoker argues with the ref, yelling, "I TAGGED, DAMNIT!" (with Simmons going, "HE DID! HE DID!"), but the ref's hearing none of it. Finally, Potsmoker steps back out, and the frustrated Simmons takes out his frustrations by knocking the still-shaky Cassidy off the apron. Simmons follows out, springboarding off the top rope into an elbow drop on the prone Cassidy! The referee begins his count, but Simmons rolls Cassidy back in by 4, and follows him back in. Cassidy rolls clear over to the other side of the ring, and uses the ropes to help him get his feet... Simmons comes in, and catches a boot to the gut for his trouble! Another follows, then Cassidy springboards off the second rope with a Facecrusher on Simmons! Cassidy crawls over to the corner, and finally makes the tag to Potsmoker. Potsmoker comes back in to capitalize, hitting the just standing Simmons with a lariat! Potsmoker picks up Simmons, but Simmons regains his bearings, and attacks Potsmoker with a pair of punches, driving him back against the ropes, before Irish Whipping him across the ring! Potsmoker bounds off the ropes, to eat a dropkick from Simmons! Both men are down! Potsmoker makes his feet while Simmons makes the tag, bringing Picard back in. Picard and Potsmoker go at it for a bit, with Potsmoker gaining the upper hand, Potsmoker brings Picard back into the DE corner, and tags out to Cassidy. Cassidy works over Picard in the corner with a series of punches and kicks, finishing with a flipping dropkick! Cassidy signals for the Wake-Up Call... only for Potsmoker to tag himself back in. "What are you doing!" Cassidy yells to Potsmoker. "This match isn't ending until I get another shot at him!" While they argue, Picard rolls up Potsmoker from behind! 1... 2... Cassidy makes the save! Both men to their feet. Potsmoker whips Picard into his own corner, where Simmons eagerly tags himself in. Potsmoker and Simmons stand toe-to-toe for the first real time in this match, for a second, before locking up. Simmons drives Potsmoker into a neutral corner, then takes control, beating down Potsmoker. Simmons climbs up the turnbuckle, but Potsmoker gets back to his feet, leaps up the turnbuckle, and executes a Reverse Hurracanrana on Simmons! Potsmoker for the cover... 1... 2... Simmons barely kicks out. Potsmoker gets to his feet, and signals for the Babylon Fall... he whips Simmons into the DE corner... he props Simmons up on the turnbuckle... he climbs up... but Simmons recovers, and does a sort of spear-like move to Potsmoker, sending both men crashing down to the canvas! Cassidy reaches down and tags Potsmoker while he's out on the canvas, then signals for the Wake-Up Call... as Simmons makes his feet, Cassidy launches into a springboard... and hits! Cover... 1... 2... 3! "I Believe In Miracles" hits!

BW: GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD! That's gotta be the biggest win of Cassidy's career!
TS: WHAT A SHOCKING SWERVE!
BW: ... Oooooooooooo-kay.

WINNERS: HARRY POTSMOKER AND CHRIS CASSIDY

After the match, Potsmoker and Simmons get up, both not quite sure of what happened, while Cassidy celebrates in the aisleway. Potsmoker swears a bit under his breath, as does Simmons, but they quickly turn on each other again!

BW: These two men have a lot of issues, and it's not over between them yet! This feud is far from over!

As Cassidy exits, Jared Steele emerges from the curtain, still shivering a bit.

TS: IT'S STEELE! IT'S STEELE! WE'RE OUTTA TIME! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

Show fades as BW says, "This is a BI-weekly show, Tony..."