wOw Primetime: Team Canada returns!

[HeartBurn Kid]

(OOC: Sorry about this being so late, had a lot on my mind lately)

Before the show opens, we see Team Canada entering the arena.

MP: I'm glad you guys are safe!
JN: I can't believe we spent a week in Gitmo.
DH: My butt still hurts...
CC: Well, tonight, we'll get ours back. Speaking of which, Rhyannon, we can count on your little pet there, right?
R: For now, we have the same purpose.
CC: Good. Tonight, the Islanders are going to pay!

"Champion" opens the show, but gives way to "The Safety Dance" as Safe Man is making an entrance!
BW: Yee-haw! Welcome to wOw Primetime! This here's ol' "Big Foot" Barry Windham, along with my pardners, PT Midnite and Warrior, and guys, we have one hell of a show tonight!
PT: Yeah, and we're getting started right away!

Safe Man gets on the mic.

SM: I'd just like to remind everybody that I and my opponent tonight are trained professionals; kids, don't try this at home!

"Fight Test" hits as Diablos makes his way out!

MATCH 1:
Safe Man vs. Diablos

BW: Looks like Safe Man's real fired up to be back on TV!
W: Safe Man was relegated to the deleterious pits of the dark match for too long! An unacceptable situation for any Warrior!

Safe Man gets to show off a good quantity of offense, displaying his underrated mat skills before putting Diablos away with the Safety Check.

WINNER: Safe Man.

We go backstage, where Vampiro's on the phone. The voice on the other end is obviously Barry Horowitz's.

Voice on Phone: Gamertemps, this is Bill.
Vampiro: Hey, Bill. I've been kinda left without a gaming partner tonight. Who ya got that can come on short notice?
B: What game are you playing?
V: Vampire: The Masquerade.
B: <breaks out laughing> Nah, man, we haven't got any angsty goth losers hanging around tonight.
V: Hey! You wouldn't say that to my face!
B: Oooh, I'm so scared. Why don't you go down to your mother's basement and write some really angsty poetry about me while listening to Marilyn Manson? <click>

Vampiro gets pissed and throws the phone across the room.

[HeartBurn Kid]

"Cloud Connected" hits as "HeartBurn Kid" Chris Dobbs makes his way out, to large amounts of cheers.

HBK: I'm not going to waste time tonight; last week, I was so close, so very close to getting my revenge against Finale, and what should happen? Some reject in priest's robes shows up and lays me out, with the help of a pair of *beep*ing vampire wannabes! Now, I don't know who the *beep* you think you are, buddy, but you've pissed the real wrong guy off! I'm going to track you down, and when I do, you'll get a lesson you'll NEVER--

HBK is interrupted as AFI's "Miseria Cantare: The Beginning" begins to play. Cardinal Synne enters, along with Vampiro.

CS: The name is Cardinal Synne...
HBK: I don't give a *beep* what your name is!
CS: Oh, but you should! You should! For I am a man with vision! A man with purpose! A man who will be dictating the future of Whacked Out Wrestling! I have come here to wash wOw in the cleansing purity of evil! To create a world free from inhibition, free from the namby-pamby ideals of "loving thy fellow man!" No, only when the world unleashes its inner evil, will we all be free!

HBK's about to reply, when "No More Tears" hits. Finale storms his way out, looking pissed off as well.

F: I have a bone to pick with you...
HBK: Hey, if you want a piece of this jack*beep*, the line forms behind me, got it?
F: Finale waits for no man, least of all a broken-down wreck like you.
HBK: Hey, last time we were in this ring, this broken-down wreck took his belt back from you!
CS: Oh, for Satan's sake! Are you two going to just stand there and bicker all day? I'm a very busy person!

Finale and HBK both spin around and punch Synne in the mouth. Vampiro comes to his new master's rescue, and a three way brawl breaks out, until the ring fills with refs separating the men.

[HeartBurn Kid]

We come back from commercial with a pair of jobbers in the ring. "I Wanna Rock" hits, as a pair of new superstars make their way out!

BW: This here's a couple of debuting wrestlers, John Boring and Yu Phuc Dup... hey, wait, can I say that on TV?
PT: I've heard a lot about these guys... let's hope it was all exaggerated.

MATCH 2:

Team Members Only (John Boring and Yu Phuc Dup) vs. Chris Gardner and Tonga Ted

Gardner and Boring start. Gardner starts by charging at Boring, only to get caught in... a front facelock. Gardner fights the hold for a while, and slings Boring off into the ropes, only for Boring to rebound and take control again with... a front facelock. The crowd begins chanting, "BORING! BORING!", which Boring soaks up as applause.

BW: Well, this guy's name is certainly apt.

Gardner rams Boring back into his own corner, and tags in Tonga Ted. Ted uses his power advantage, staggering Boring with several hard shots, until Boring manages to counter into... a front facelock. Boring tags out to Dup, who leaps over the ropes... and trips on the top rope. A "YOU FUCKED UP!" chant breaks out.

BW: Dup not off to a good start in this match...

Dup recovers quickly, and launches into a series of sloppy forearm shots , before backing into the ropes, and launching himself into a headscissor takedown... in which he drops Tonga Ted directly on his head. He then goes for the top ropes, and launches into a moonsault... and lands directly on Ted's arm! The cover... 1... 2... Ted kicks out, clutching his arm, and tags out to Gardner. Gardner runs in, as Dup tags out to Boring.

PT: Oh, great. At least the other guy was kinda entertaining.

Boring back in, and jams a thumb in the eye of Gardner. He then goes right back to that front facelock, holding it for several seconds before dropping to his butt and... holding it for several more seconds. Suddenly, Gardner bridges himself up and over Boring, into a pinning position! 1... 2... Boring kicks out! Boring goes right back on the attack, getting a headlock on Gardner. He quickly adds to the punishment by noogieing Gardner with his free hand. Again the "BORING! BORING!" chant starts. Boring releases the hold and tags Dup back in, who launches himself over the top into a splash... but his feet catches the rope again, and he ends up driving his own knee into Gardner's head. Cover... 1... 2... Gardner kicks out. Gardner, obviously shaken, actually manages to make it to his feet, and mouths, "Let's take this shit home already." Dup complies, hitting Gardner with the Villanobreaker! 1... 2... 3!

WINNERS: Team Members Only.

BW, PT, and W in unison: ... Wow.
BW: Well, uh, these two... well, they'll definitely have a spot in the history books!

Cut to back, where Sierra is entering RD Reynold's office. Suddenly, she's grabbed by security. RD exits his office.
RD: Sierra, we've been over this. You're not to come inside any arena where we're performing. You got that?
S: You're not going to keep me from my destiny, you pinche cabron!
RD: What did you just call me?
S: You heard me, pendejo! I come here all the way from Spain, and you won't even give me a chance to prove myself! All I want is one little match, and you won't even give me that!
RD: ...You know what? Let her go. (Security lets go) Allright, honey, you've got your wish. You're getting a tryout match tonight. You win, you got a wOw contract. But if you lose, you leave us all alone already!
S: Thank you. That's all I wanted.
RD: Oh, and I hope you brought your gear with you, because your tryout match... IS NEXT!
(RD walks off. Sierra mutters something under her breath.)

[Jared Steele]

Sierra enters to no music as we return from commercial, awaiting her mystery opponents

BW:"YEEHAW! Sierra An-hay-la Mendeez Della Mar-kwis!"
PT: "We apologize to all the Spanish-speakers in the audience.....Anyway, I'm curious who RD has hand-picked as the opponent?"

The violins start up, as Sierra gets a horrified look on her face.

"LADIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES AND GENTLEMEN, currently in the ring, from Used, Spain......SIERRA! And her opponents......from New York City.....GRACE and MARY.....the MERCY SISTERS!"

"Your Referee is David 'Infernal Catfish' Dobbs."

SIERRA vs THE MERCY SISTERS

~DING~

BW: "Hooboy....looks like Sierra done walked into the Cactus Patch here!"
PT: "And it looks like we're playing Tornado Rules.......has RD flipped?!"

Sierra dropkicks Grace, but Mary DDTs her down, the two Mercys stomp on Sierra before tossing her out thru the bottom rope

PT: "Prove yourself on the battlefield, Spaniard!"
BW: "Sorry folks, he rented 'Gladiator' last night. PT likes Gladiator movies."

Sierra gets herself together, before leaping onto the top rope from the outside, and springboard dropkicking Grace and Mary!

"BLOODY NASS! BLOODY NASS! BLOODY NASS!"

Sierra isn't done yet, picking up the Mercy's and executing a perfect Moe Howard Double Facebuster!

Sierra goes up top and launches into a 450 splash on Grace...but Mary drags her off!

If I say I don't need anyone
I can say these things to you
'Cuz I can turn on anyone
Just like I turned on you

PT: "Oh great, here comes the girl who made me go crazy a couple weeks back...."
BW: "Poison out here now...what does she want?"
PT: "And who's the 7 1/2-footer with the fro?"

The big man gets inthe ring...and tosses Dave Dobbs over the top rope!

POISON: "Nice work, Hugo!"

PT&BW:"HUGO?!"

RD Reynolds dashes out in a referee's shirt.......

PT:"This is bullcrap!"

RD hits the ring........then the lights go out!

PT: "Damn rolling blackouts!"

The lights come back up, and there's a female ninja in the ring! She sizes up RD...and BAM! Buzzsaw Kick to the Head!

BW: "We got ninjas now?!"
PT: "She was a bad enough dude to whack the Commissioner!"

Dave Dobbs re-enters the ring as Sierra locks Grace in an inverted figure four...and she taps!

"YOUR WINNER.....SIERRA!"

BW: "Wow.....we'll be back after we clean up the debris folks!"

[Jared Steele]

INSANE.
DANGEROUS.
A RISK TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS.

Fade in on a tall, clean shaven, shaggy-haired man in a T-Shirt and jeans, saying the following

"That's what they said about me.....just because I was born different. and they locked me away. But I changed, I got a clean bill fo health..or so I thought. Now people judge me, look at me differently. But I wil no longer be locked away, either physically or by prejudice. I am not a case file.......I am not a number....I am a man!"

"And my name......

is RICHARD DESTINE!"

Fade out

[Jared Steele]

----BWF Preview Match------

TD: "Folks do not adjust your sets, Tom, Casey and the real Coach here, giving you a preview of the Bigtime Wrestling Federation, soon to be returning to TV, with an all new continuity! But that's enough wall-breaking from us!"
CSM: "Yep. forget we ever said it, onacounta we will!"
CM: "Huh?"

Did some time in Tokyo.....in a dojo
Learned Karate, and Kung Fu
And Judo, cause you know
I'm a RADIO EDIT Samurai!

"Hailing from San Diego, California.....weighing in at 210 lbs.....AMERICAN SAMURAI! And his opponent....."

Ahh-ahh-ahh, AH!
Ahh-ahh-ahh, AH!
We come from the land of the ice and snow
Where the midnight sun and the hot springs flow!

"From Uppsala, Sweden......weighing in at 300 lbs.....SVEN BJORNSSEN!"

"Your Referee is Jesse Kensington"

Bjornssen charges the Samurai, who counters with a drop toehold. Bjornssen gets up, and starts throwing punches at Samurai's head!

CM: "The Norse is strong with this one....."

Samurai fights back with martial arts chops before hurricanrana-ing Bjornssen down and holding it for a two count!

Bjornssen up......and the Battle-Axe! (aka Gene Snitsky's finsiher)

KENSINGTON:"1......2.................3!!!!"

"Your winner.,...SVEN BJORNSSEN!!!"

CIACH: "Awright, now we'ah gonna tag ya usual show back in! We'll be back soon enough tho!"

[Jared Steele]

You look at me
Curious what I'm made of
Sugar or steam
And what kind of man I love
What I believe
What I know and what I crave
And all my pet peeves
Where I've shed and when I stain
Do you know

Cause I'm not here to be around
And be that girl that you forget about
Cause all I want is just to be a song
That you can feel longer than just right now
So come on baby let me be the girl
That you can count on to rock your world
And then you'll see there's so much more then CURVES
then you'll see that you and me belong

PT: "Jocelyn Richter out here now?!"

JOCELYN: "Alright, now I want all you wOw fans to know, I'm not mad at you...but I have to get something off my mind! Namely, this goes out to Jayce Simmons, and Tom 'Harry Potsmoker' Goddard!

"I am not some prize to be fought for! I am my own, independent, free-thinking person, and who I decide to be with is my choice! So Tom.....Jayce.....QUIT IT!"

"This has gotten ridiculous, I figured this Cup would settle you two guys down on this...but dammit, this has to stop! When I'm ready to decide, I will, but enough is enough!"

Jocelyn leaves, with a plaintive expression still on her face.

[HeartBurn Kid]

As we come back from break, the strains of "Island in the Sun" fill the arena, as Team Pacific Islands make their way out!

BW: These boys have been on a real tear through this tournament, who'd have thought they'd make the semifinal round?
PT: I've got to agree with you.. though the methods they've used to get as far as they have are questionable at best.
W: WARRIOR WISDOM #34: Any road that takes you to DESTRUCITY! is a good one.

"We're proooooooooud to be Canadian..."

Just then, "Proud to be Canadian" starts up as Team Canada makes their way out. They're about to enter the ring to get it on, when Inita Ho gets on the mic...

H: Yo, yo, yo, hold up! Now, I'd be happy to join my island bruddas and give all you hosers a lesson in respect, but I sprained my thumb really bad playing the new wOw Flagship video game (only on Playstation 2!), so I'm afraid I will be unable to compete tonight! However, I did find a suitable replacement... C'mon out!

"Island in the Sun" starts playing again, as Team Canada turns to face the replacement... and gets attacked from behind by Team PI!

MAIN EVENT:
Team Pacific Islands (Jamal, TAFKAPI, Big 'Kish, and Bri) vs. Team Canada (Dexter Hart, Jim Neidhart, Michel Picard, and Canis)

Bri rolls Dexter Hart in the ring, but Canis leaps in from behind, tackling Bri. Hart rolls out of the ring, and the bell rings.

PT: Looks like Bri is Inita Ho's substitute for this match.
BW: Sprained his thumb! What kind of nancy-boy gets THAT kind of injury?!
PT: Hey, have you played that game yet? It's addictive!

Canis fights like an animal, raking across Bri's back repeatedly, and even biting him at one point (going to a count of 4 before Rhyannon manages to call him off). Canis is right back on the attack, striking with fierce punches before launching himself into a modified Thesz press. 1... 2... kickout. Bri scrambles away and tags in 'Kish. 'Kish lumbers in and throws some chops at Canis, backing him into his own corner, where Jim Neidhart tags himself in.

BW: Woo-ee! Looks like we got the two powerhouses in that there ring!

A slugfest ensues, which Neidhart gets the upper hand in. Neidhart slings 'Kish into the ropes, and hits him on the rebound with a body splash! Cover... 1... 2... kickout. Neidhart goes right back to work, pushing 'Kish back down to the mat and launching a volley of punches... until 'Kish throws him off and gets back to his feet. Neidhart runs in, hoping to press the attack, and eats a 'Kish clothesline! 'Kish picks Neidhart up, whips him into the PI corner, and then tags out to Jamal. Jamal comes in, lays in a series of body blows to Neidhart, and finishes with a clothesline! Neidhart goes down... and Jamal points up. He mounts the turnbuckle, and leaps for a splash... but Neidhart rolls out of the way.

BW: Woo-ee! That's a lot of beef that just hit that mat!
PT: Nah, looks like mostly fat and gristle to me.

Neidhart crawls back to his corner... but Jamal tags out to Iaukaea, who stops Neidhart just short of the tag with an elbow drop. Iaukaea starts to drag Neidhart back to his corner... but the big man's bulk proves to be too much for the Cruiserweight, and Neidhart makes it to tag Dexter Hart! Dexter Hart's a nerd afire, taking on Iaukaea with relative ease. Meanwhile, Inita Ho reaches into Haku's fro... and pulls out a mini-Haku! Inita, midget in tow, sneaks over to the other side of the ring while Haku jumps on the apron and starts yelling at the ref. Once the ref is sufficiently distracted, Ho leaps on the apron and hurls the midget at Dex! The midget takes Dex down in a flurry of pint-sized punches and kicks, and as Team PI storms the ring, Team Canada does as well! With the addition of Ho and mini-Haku, the numbers game catches up to TC, and eventually they're all dumped from the ring; Haku finally lets the ref go once the ring has cleared out, leaving only Iaukaea pinning a downed Dexter Hart. The ref counts... 1... 2... 3!

WINNERS: Team Pacific Islands

BW: No! No! Not like this!
W: Oh, get a towel, Windham!

Team PI celebrates in the ring... until Team Canada regroups and re-enters! A Pier-Six brawl breaks out, with members of both teams beating each other senseless, and mini-Haku sent flying out of the ring.

BW: I reckon people will be talking about this edition of Primetime for a long time, but I'm not so sure that's a good thing. Folks, thanks for watching!