wOw Flagship! (Under New Management!)

[Jared Steele]

The Flagship theme hits, as we go to Madison Carter and Gristleizer sitting at the wOw Announce position.

MC: "Ladies and Gentlemen, wOw Flagship is on the air!"
GRIST:" YES! ACTION! BOOBAGE!"
MC: "*sigh*"

"Entre Dos Tierras" by Heroes del Silencio hits as new wOw wunderkind Sierra Angela Mendez de la Marques makers her way out to the ring, where a table has been set up, with contracts placed on it.

SIERRA: "So, this is the big time! Whacked Out Wrestling! I really don't know what to say, except....."

"That's why they make chocolate and vanilla.....cause you like CRAPPY ICE CREAM!" A metalized version of "Hail to the Chief" then follows, as RD Reynolds makes his way out...

RD: "Yeah, yeah....you want this contract? You wanna work for wOw?! Well, let's get Dave Dobbs out here first.......GETCHER ASS OUT HERE, CATFISH!"

Dave Dobbs makes his way down to the ring as the crowd is confused.

RD: "Let's see...the lights go out, I get attacked by a NINJA!, and you're out cold half the match...and you still count the pin?! Dave, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to overturn this decision......and furthermore....."

Take those old records off the shelf!
I'm gonna listen to em by myself!
Today's music ain't got the same soul!
I like that old time rock and roll!

MADISON: "What the Hell? Is it.....?"
GRIST: "Robbie Richter! Robbie Richter! The owner of Whacked Out Wrestling!"

ROBBIE: "Folks, for those of you who don't know me....I AM ROBERT RICHTER, and I OWN THIS DAMN COMPANY! And RD....all you said was Sierra here had to win to get her contract...she did. And that is final!"

RD: "You listen to me, Richter! Yuo promised me autonomy in how I ran the Whacked Out Wrestling Federation......"

ROBBIE: "Reynolds.....SHUT UP!" (Huge pop) "Sierra won, and you're turning into a jerk.....when I appointed youy to this position, you were a beacon of law in a world of lawlessness...now look at you! I'm giving you....four weeks to straighten up and fly right, and well.....you may not like what happens if you fail. Oh, and tonight, you and a female partner of your choosing will be facing Sierra.......and the brother fo the referee you just threatened......THE HEARTBURN KID CHRIS DOBBS!!!"

RD: "Wh----what?! I'm not a wrestler!"

RICHTER: "That's a final decision, RD! Like it....or shove it!"

[Jared Steele]

Cut to the backstage, where Hand Maid Mully is admiring her wOw Women's Title Belt.

MULLY: "Oh this is the greatest! wOw Women's Champ! I love this!"

WASHU: "Don't overexcite yourself...you'll run down."

MULLY: "Oh please, Auntie Washu........I know how I work, and excitement has nothing to do with my Baylis Engine"

Sierra walks into the area.

SIERRA: "Hi, Sierra Angela Mendez de la Marques."

MULLY: "Hand Maid Mully, Dubohdub's resident clockwork girl."

WASHU: "Washu Hakubi........EVIL GENIUS! BWAHAHAAA!!!!!!"

SIERRA: "Uh......Evil? Aren't we the good guys?"

MULLY:" Just between you and me, I think Auntie Washu's a few chocolate chips short of a cookie."

SIERRA: "So, you're really a.....a.....wind-up doll?"

MULLY: "I prefer 'clockwork girl'.....I'm a sophisticated android powered by a Baylis Engine...hardly a doll."

SIERRA: "Wow...this place is whacked out.........well, I've got a match tonight against someone I don't even know who I'll be facing!"

MULLY: "Nervous? Whenever I'm nervous, I just whistle and tell myself everything's gonna be alright!"

SIERRA: "Riiiight....well, it's been nice meeting you........now to find Chris Dobbs."

"HOLD IT! wOw Security!"

Pan across to show Bryce Samuels.

"Well, Miss de la Marques.....you're nto suppsoed to be here."

SIERRA: "I signed that contract! I'm a superstar now!"

BRYCE:"Is that right? Sierra...hehe....I'd like to climb your mountains."

SIERRA: "Stop it...I'll call security!"

BRYCE: "I am security!"

MULLY: "Now you listen right now, Mr. Big Scary Security Man......you're not going to do this to my new friend Sieeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-------" Mully then slumps over.

WASHU: "HIDOI! We'll be back!" (Picks Mully up and runs away)

BRYCE: "Heh, so much for your little doll friend helping...."

"SAFETYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FIIIIIIIIIIIRST!!!!!!"

SAFE MAN: "These are unsafe working conditions, dangerous villain! See me in the ring, Samuels, as much as it will pain me to hurt a friendly police officer...." (turns ro camera).Remember kids, the police are normally your friends. But this officer was going to touch Sierra in a way she didn't want to be touched. And that's not safe!"

BRYCE: "What are you, on drugs?! Fine, I will see you in the ring....and if Wrestling Barbie wakes up by then, bring her too!"

(go to commerical)

[Jared Steele]

You run, run...run away
It's your heart...that you betray
Feeding on...your hungry eyes
I bet you're not so civilized

Well, isn't love..primitive
A wild gift...that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me, stereo jungle child
Love is the kill.....your heart's still wild

Shootin' at the walls of heartache, bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior, and heart to heart you'll win..if you survive
the warrior....the warrior

The strains of Scandal's "The Warrior" bring out, yes, Warrior, as he "Runs" to the ring to face his opponent for the evening.

Face down in the gutter, won't admit defeat, tho his clothes are soiled and black.....
He's a big strong man, with a child's mind, don't ye take his booze away..........

Ring Announcer Bob Rooney: "Ladies and gentlemen, making his wOw debut from Dublin, Ireland; weighing in at 245 pounds, DENNIS O'REILLY!!!!"

GRIST: "Didn't this guy used to work for that OTHER promotion, MMV?"
MMV: "Actually, until the BWF can get back on TV, Patrick Stone's agreed to give us something of a talent exchange. The World Cup's Canis and MacTroch are BWF wrestlers themselves."
GRIST: "I see......"


SQUASH for O'Reilly, winning with a KO punch after drinking an entire pint of Guiness.

[Jared Steele]

You can dance if you want to
You can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don;t dance, and if you don';t dance
Then you're no friend of mine!

Safe Man proceeds down to the ring, mortioning tot he entry way as the music changes

Here, in my lonely little world
You're the only wind-up girl
I know
I'll never let you go

MMV: "Looks like Mully's up."
GRIST: "Indeed, and she and Washu are accompanying Safe Man to the ring!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, hailing from An After School Special Near You, and being accompamied by Hand Maid Mully and Washu Hakubi....weighing in at 200 lbs, the Safety Superhero, SAFE MAN!"

American girls and American guys
Will always stand up and salute
Will always recognize
When we see Ol' Glory flyin'
There's a lot of men dead
So we can sleep at peace at night
When we lay down our heads My Daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Til the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother
My sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the Land of the Free

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flying in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the Fourth of July

Hey, Uncle Sam put your name
At the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty
Started shakin' her fist
And the Eagle will fly
And it's gonna be hell
When you hear Mother freedom
Start ringing her bell
And it will feel like the whole wide world
Is raining down on you
All brought to you
Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue



"And his opponent, hailing from an Undisclosed Location....weighing in at 227 pounds.....a member of Whacked Out Wrestling Security......BRYCE SAMUELS!"

MMV: "Oh please, someone needs to shut this guy up, and wOw's perosnal superhero may be the guy to do it."
GRIST: "Personal superhero, what are you, one of the Petes?!"
MMV: "Whacked Out Wrestling, obscure pop culture references form your youth, since 2003!"

Safe Man stands with his hands on his hips while Mully starts a "Let's go Safe Man" chant.......

Bryce goes right in and hits a double-arm suplex, but safe Man boiucnes right back up from it.......and immediately stirkes another superheoric pose, before hitting a DDT!

Just then, Ben Vincent, the artist formerly known as Robocrap, runs out and grabs Mully's key from Washu, gets in the ring, and hits Safeman over the head with it, causing the DQ!

"Here is your winner, as the result of a disqualification, SAFE MAN!!!!!!"

Bryce gets in Vincent's face, screaming "What the Hell was that?!" Ben Vincent rages, then slaps Samuels! Samuels then shoves Big Ben Vincent back!

MMV: "Is this the end of wOw Security? We can only hope...."

Cheif Knobbs stampedes out, trying to break it up.....only to get tosse dover the top by vincent and Samuels, who then continmue jawing and shoving!

BRYCE: "It's moves like that that prove you'll always be a special needs kid, ROBOCRAP!"
VINCENT: "NEVER call me that! I tried to help you!"
BRYCE: "Yeah, well help this!"

Poison runs out and bashes an elecric guitar over Ben Vincent's head, knocking him out cold!

BRYCE: "Welcome, to the System!"

MMV: "The System? Who, or what, is the System?!"
RIST: "We need to go to commercial....but we'll be back!"

[Jared Steele]

As we come back from a seemingly-interminable commercial break, Frederick C. Crichton is standing in the ring, Thomas Serveaux by his side.

CARTER: "Folks, we are BACK (finally) and Frederick C. Crichton is here to, and I quote, "Clean this darned place up, one wrestler at a time"

"Mope" then hits.


BOB ROONEY: "And his opponent......from the Great State of Confusion.....being accompanied to the ring by Sensei Dan Hibiki.......he is SILENT STORM!"

CRICHTON :"Silent Storm....you have been providing America's youth with the exact opposite of 'Don't Try This at Home!'....and as for your mentor, those violent video games destory our youth's minds...although that's not my department! Anyway...prepare to be...CENSORED!"

Silent Storm is immediately leveled by a Clothesline, a few suplexes and submissions, DDT.....Beast choker the announcers dub the Bleep-out....this one's over.

Hiobiki gets in the ring, screams "DAN DAN KICK!" and super-kicks Crichton..Seveaux gets in now...and eats boot as well!

MMV:" Team Saikyo making a point to FCC and his lackey...Folks, this could be interesting.."

[Jared Steele]

"Ladies and Gentlemen....welcome toi the MAIN EVENT of the EVENING Introducing first, from Used, Spain......SIERRA! Her tag team parnter, form Los Angeles, California......."

"Cloud Connected" hits

"THE HEART! BURN! KID! CHRiSTOPHEEEEER DOBBBBBBBS!!!!!!!!"

"And their opponents, first from Indianapolis, Indiana........wieghing in at 220 pounds....The Major Domo of the Majorly Crappy......the king of WrestleCrap......the ayatollah of hand-me-the-rollah......R! D! REYNOLLLLLDS! And his tag team partner......from Seattle, Washington........weighing in at 132 pounds and being accompanied by HUGO........she is POISON!!!!!!"

MMV: "Folks,a reminder, Sierra's contract is guaranteed, her job is not on the line here."
GRIST: "but her pride IS, Mad Cart!"
MMV: "And folks, this match is being contested under the Kaufman rules......men can fight the women, and vice versa."

Sieera starting us off with RD, on that note.....as she goes LOCO on the commish! Right Jab! Flying Head Scissors! Legs around the neck! Poison breaks it.....

MMV: "That lowdown, little......"

Poison officially tagging in now.......and Sierra takes a backbreaker! Poison climbs the ropes and dives off the top with a kneedrop. Chris Dobbs si scremaing for the tag!

DOBBS:"You wanna survive, then tag me in!"

Sierra crawls for the tag....but Poison pulls her back......

PFFFFSSSSHHHHHT!!!!!!!!

The signal cuts out, to ...Richard DeStine?!

DeSTINE: "Gentlemen, ladies...my apologies for hijakcing your broadcast, but it seems Comedy Central wouldn't allow me on the air under normal circumstances! Of course, this is because of my reputation as Mentally Ill........Now trust me, i'm not insane, I'm not dangerous, just misunderstood...and whacked Out Wrestling........prepare for a date with DESTINY. I now return you to a pointles battle between normals and more normals."

GRIST:""....on? Are we on? Is the broadcast back?"
MMV: "Looks like it, and while we were so rudely interrupted, Chris Dobbs came in and took the advantage over Poison, who is vastly outweighed and outpowered."

Chris Dobbs about to hit the Pepto plunge, but folks.....out of nowhere, it's Bryce Samuels with the American Flag while Hugo distracts the ref! Flag-shot to Dobbs! Flag-shot to Sierra! Poison tags ion RD, who nonchalantly steps a foot onto Dobbs' chest as the ref turns around


1......

2......

MMV: "Not this way!"


....3!

"Here are your winners....RD Reynolds and Poison!"

RD Reynolds: "Folks, you saw it, you better beleive it..say hello to the SYSTEM!"

(Fade out on RD saying these words)