wOw Flagship: NOT DEAD!

[Jared Steele]

We kick off the show with Metallica's "Master of Puppets echoing through the arena, as RD Reynolds, Bryce Samuels, Poison, and Hugo emter the arena.....

MMV: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Flagship! Last week we saw arguably the most bizarre finish to a match in dubohdub history, and now.......now it's come to this. RD Reynolds, strutting around like he owns the place, which he does NOT, with a pack of hired thugs."

RD :"Thank you, thank you, thank you, and *BEEP!* You! Last week, we showed the Heartburn Kid what happens when you get in our way, and now, all of Whakced Out Wrestling will know, the System is Up and Running, and you can't fight the System "

SAMUELS: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT IS MORNING AGAIN IN WHACKED OUT WRESTLING! For too long, proud Americans like myself have had to watch as deviants like Chris Dobbs, and foreigners like Sierra, storm the shores of our broadcasts! But no longer will such nightmares persist here, for the System is taking thsi show back, and putting it back in the hands which it belongs!"

RD: "Thank you Bryce, now you're probably wondering why Poison joined up with the winning team. After all, she prides herself on being a degenerate....well the answer is simple......."

POISON: "Like AC/DC said, MONEY TALKS! And the boss dude paid me well...besides, I like to hurt people!"

HUGO just stands in the back and looks menacing.

RD: "Now, onto tonight's business.....we will have a match pitting....."

"Hero of the Day" interrupts the commissioner, as Jared Steelee emerges, Missy Hardy by his side.....

STEELE: "RD, what the hell happenned to you?! There was a time we stood alongside you...me, Missy, John, Jayce, the whole damn Cannonball Commission, man.....now, look at you, hanging around with a Metal Slut............seven feet of stupid......and the President of the Stan Smith fan club."

MISSY: "Yeah, and Poison. .....I haven't forgotten that catfdight we were in a few weeks back......which is why I want a p[iece of you, here, tonight!"

RD: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, watch it, Greenhead......you don't make matches around here, I DO. And I say you're not getting a shot at Poison til you've earned it! So, get to steppin'!"

POISON: "Hold on, boss, the little girl has a point....I have wanted a...shot at her ever since she got out of that dark, dank, bnasement and all those chains....and ropes......"

RD: "But enough about your bedroom habits, Steele."

STEELE looks enraged

STEELE: "Come on , RD..what;s wrong?.Afraid of a secretary?!"

RD: "Fine, you hjave your match, Missy...You......and your little boyfriend...agianst Poison......and my trusted lieutenant, Bryce Samuels!

STEELE: "Alright, RD.....your boys better bring your game face, cause I'm bringing my NERVES OF STEELE."

[Jared Steele]

"Money" by Jelleestone is playing, as Veronica Diamond leads the Diamond Exchange duo out to the ring.

MMV: "Folks, the Diamond Exchange have been taking some time off lately, but now they're back, and raring to go."
GRIST: "And boy, did I ever miss Va-Va-Veronica!"

"From Beverly Hills, California, at a total combined weight of486 piounds and being accompnaied by Veronica Diamond, the Bosco Man Mike Stone, and Rock Lobster... DIAMOND EXCHANGE! Their opponents, currently in the ring, the team of Tonga Ted and Chris Gardener!"

Who ordered the SQUASH?! Seriously, any time the words "Tonga Ted" or "Chris Gardner" are uttered on wOw TV. the outcome is pretty clear. Diamond Exchange goes over following a Bosco Slam into the Lobster Claw.

"Here are your winners, the DIAMOND EXCHANGE!"

[Jared Steele]

When we come back from commercial, we see an Asian man in a Red Chinese army uniform on our screen.

"TSING BAI RAI TSAO CHIENG GUONG ZHO!"
"GUONG ZHO NGIN TSAU SAMPAN!"
"BO RAI CHO TSAO KUN LUN!"
"GUONG ZHO, WU!"

Fade to a red star, with Chinese writing superimposed upon it, before the screen goes to static, then a confused MMV and Gristleizer/

GRIST: "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!"
MMV: "I'm sure it was just a satellite error, partner...relax."

[Jared Steele]

Here, in my lonely little world
You're the only wind-up girl
I know
I'll never let you go

BOB ROONEY: "Making her way to the ring, being accomplanied to the ring by Doctor Washu Hakubi, residing in Zurich, Switzerland and weighing it at 125 pounds....she is the Whacked Out Wrestling Women's Champion, HAND MAID MULLY!"

Hand Maid Mully comes out, with Washu wielding her key as always.

"And her opponent, presently in the ring, Masked Fermale Jobber 1!"

Mully wins this one easily, but more intriguing is what happens after the match......

Step by step
Heart to heart
Piece by piece
We all fall apart
Like Toy Soldiers
Step by step
Heart to heart
Piece by piece
We all fall apart
Like Toy Soldiers

Two women wearing kirugumi masks and toy soldier-styled uniforms march from the back and point at Mully silently, then return to the back.

MMV: "Folks, we have no clue what that was all about"
GRIST: "Neither do the mad doctor and dollface, apparently."

Indeed, Washu and Mully seem just as confused as the audience about these mystery girls.

[Jared Steele]

He's the wolf screamin' lonely in the night.
He's the bloodstain on the stage.
He's the tear in your eye.
Been tempted by his lie.
He's the knife in your back.
He's rage.
He'll be the razor to the knife.
Oh lonely is our life.
My head's spinnin' round and round.
But in the seasons of wither, we'll stand and deliver.
Be strong, laugh, and..

Shout...Shout...Shout.
Shout at the devil.


A worker (Who ACW fans would recognize as Junior Chavez) is standing behind a podium in a pretaped segement as Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil" is blaring. Chavez speaks, though not so much as screams, the following:


"ROBBIE RICHTER HAS SHOWN HIS TRUE COLORS AS OF LATE IN WHACKED OUT WRESTLING! HE IS NOT OF THIS EARTH, HE IS SATAN IN A HUMAN GUISE! HE IS EVIL! HE FEASTS UPON THE BLOOD OF LIVESTOCK! I AM NOT INSANE! I AM CHAVEZ, JUNIOR! AND I AM COMING TO EXORCISE THIS SATANIC PRESENCE FROM WHACKED OUT WRESTLING!"