Inu-Lesnar Season 2

[PTMidnite]

(an unemployment line, Paul Heyman, Sabu, and RVD are standing in said line)
Heyman: I can't believe Brock beat me so easily.
RVD: And so anticlimactically too, dude.
Heyman: At least that monster defeated that big nosed goon but then he had to go to Vegas and lose all his title belts to Kevin Nash.
RVD: The worst thing is that you lost your totally cool evil villain job.
Heyman: What the hell are we doing here?
RVD: Appling for free money.
Heyman: I wasn't really asking a question that I wanted an answer to.
Sabu: You asked a question and if you didn't want an answer then you shouldn't have asked said question.
RVD: I got to agree with him, Paul.
Heyman: It was rhetorical.
RVD: What does rhetorical mean Sabu?
Sabu: I'll have to call Rhyno to get the answer. (takes cell phone out and speed dials Rhyno)
Heyman: It's a question without an answer.
RVD: (giggles) All questions have answers. Even I know that, Paul.
Sabu: What does rhetorical mean? Ok, bye. (hangs up) He says it's when somebody does something to atone for a past ill transgression against another.
Heyman: That's redemption.
Sabu: Rhyno has a degree in English so I think he knows a lot more about words then you.
RVD: I got to go with Sabu.
Heyman: Never mind all of this. We're going to Vegas to get the belts from Nash.
RVD: We're still going to get unemployment?
Heyman: No time for that. We're leaving now.
Sabu: As henchmen we expect payment for our efforts. How can you pay us when you lost your job?
Heyman: I'll borrow the money from my mother.
RVD: We get paid! I've never gotten a single buck from him.
Sabu: Why didn't you take that up with the henchmen and lackey union?
RVD: We have a union!
Sabu: Yeah, we get two by fours and everything.
RVD: Paul, why wasn't I told this?
Heyman: Well you see……flee Sabu flee.
(Heyman and Sabu take off)
RVD: Some days it doesn't pay to be sober.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Kevin Nash (as Vinny Vegas) is walking thru a casino wearing the WWE Undisputed Championship belt with the kliq)
HHH: It's not fair Nash. I had everything and that half-hoss Brock Lesnar stole it all away.
Vegas: First off Hunter it's Vinny Vegas now. Second you lost the belt in a poorly done movie. If you where truly "that damn good" then you wouldn't have let that net smark write that parody.
HHH: A god damn punk on the internet wrote me to lose! I am the game and only I control my life. No one and I mean no one makes me do anything I don't wanna do.
(Flair comes up to Hunter)
Flair: Hunter I just got to kiss you because you look so damn pretty. (Flair Frenchs Hunter) WHOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Flair does the flip into the rope thing on a craps table and then styles 'n' profiles away)
Vegas: So Hunter did you want to kiss the greatest champ in the history of the sport?
HHH: I'll kill that smark.
(Roman centurions come in and hoist HHH in the air and carry him away)
HHH: (as he's leaving) He'll pay!
Shawn: So you got a nice new shiny belt their Vinny. Now what are you gonna do with it's great power?
Vegas: Right now I'm going to have the smoothest shit in my entire life. Then I'm going to get laid.
Shawn: Don't you want to rule the world or anything important like that?
Vegas: Why waste the power on that when I can live la viva Big Daddy Cool.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Brock is sitting on a corner in Vegas with a pack of ice on his crotch, Steph and Noble show up)
Steph: Why do you have a bag of ice on your lap?
Brock: We're broke so I figured I could get some money selling sperm. Only a little came out so I just kept going at it figuring more would come out but all I did was cause major soft tissue damage to "the next big thing".
Steph: Idiot once you cum you have to…….why the hell I'm I telling you that? Christ, I wish I was with Hunter right now.
(cut to HHH at a Gateway store)
HHH: So I can use this……
Gateway Employee: Computer.
HHH: Yeah, this computer to get on the internet and then I can yell at the smarks.
GE: You can get on the internet but you can yell at anybody unless you get a microphone.
HHH: (looking straight at the computer) You damn geeks are a bunch of whimps! You know nothing of the business!
GE: What are you doing?
HHH: Yelling at the net geeks.
GE: You can't do that. You need to log onto the internet and then via one of many ways contact to a person to talk to them. Plus you also need a microphone.
HHH: (hits the computer) Get me on the internet now!
GE: Have you ever used a computer before?
HHH: Only geeks that live in their parents' basements use them. Do I look like a geek to you?
GE: No.
HHH: Then you've answered your question. (picks the monitor up and looks right into it) Mr. Net Loser, I will find you and end this lame parody.
(just then Ric Flair comes in dressed as a woman)
Flair: Hunter I need you to put on this skirt (holds skirt up) so we can attack Hulk Hogan. WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
HHH: I'm not doing it Flair.
Flair: Then why are you already in drag?
HHH: I'm not….(looks and see that he is indeed in drag) Damn you smark!
(cut back to Lesnar and company)
Steph: You have to get the title back from Nash.
Brock: How?
Steph: I don't know. You're the wrestler.
(Matt Hardy dressed up like a pimp and a bunch of stripers show up)
Matt: I just opened up the first church of Mattitude. It's dollar lap dance night.
Brock: I love lap dances. (makes a painful face) I think "the next big thing" just bladed.
Steph: That's low even for this writer.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Paul Heyman and Sabu are on the Vegas strip at night)
Heyman: Ok, we'll go up to Nash and start some small talk. Then I'll kick him square in the nuts. You my Indian friend will strip him of my belt and give it back to me.
Sabu: I'm from Michigan, Paul.
Heyman: No, Van Dam's from Michigan.
Sabu: Seriously Paul, that's where I'm from.
Heyman: They announce you from Bombay, India.
Sabu: It's part of my gimmick.
Heyman: Are you telling me that you're not really a suicidal, homicidal, genocidal mad man from the land of monsoons?
Sabu: Yes. In fact you came up with the gimmick and me pay to do it.
Heyman: Wait I said I'd pay you money. (laughs) And you believed me. (laughs more)
Sabu: You said that I'd get a bonus everytime I tried to kill myself.
Heyman: Bonus. (laughs a lot more) I live in my mother's basement and you thought I'd actually give you money. (laughs)
Sabu: That's it I'm done.
(Sabu takes off)
Heyman: Fine. I can get my belt back without you or anybody else.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Tony Stark and Scott Hall are having a drinking contest at the casino's bar)
Hall: So do you like….you know……save the world when you're wasted.
Stark: Would a sober man put on a suit of iron and fly off to fight killer robots, guys with melting rays, and Mother's Against Drunk Driving?
Hall: Hell no. I'd never go out there and wrestling unless my senses where dulled by booze.
(Vegas and Big Sky come in)
Vegas: How's it going there, Scotty?
Hall: Last night I ate those little soaps in my hotel room and then after I realized how pathetic my life was I just laid on the bathroom floor for hours crying.
Vegas: Good for you. Me and Sky here are going to go get some underage snatch out by the pool. You want in?
Stark: Did you say: underage?
Vegas: Damn right I did.
Stark: I got a friend in the X-Men that loves 14 year-old girls.
Vegas: Then call him up. You wouldn't happen to know any mutants that can detect virgins?
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(The Undertaker (dressed as the higher power) and 20 first graders are at the check in counter of a hotel/casino in Vegas)
Clerk: Sir when you booked the room you only did it for one person.
Taker: Yes.
Clerk: Well, you seem to have a rather large group of children with you.
Taker: But the ad said kids stay free.
Clerk: But nobody has every brought so many of them.
Taker: Listen, I never go anywhere without my choir of the damned. They will stay in my room for free and you will provide them with cookies and juice boxes.
Clerk: I'll have to talk to my manager about this.
(Taker breaks the clerk's neck)
Taker: Now my fiendish choir we shall go to our room, unpack, and plot the death of my brother: Brock Lesnar.
Choir: Sesame Street! Sesame Street!
Taker: Okay. To the room, unpack, watch Sesame Street, and then plot.
Choir: Yah!
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Brock, Steph, and Noble are at the First Church and Strip Club of Mattitude, there are strippers pole dancing on the alter (e.i. stage))
Noble: The strippers at my old church were never this pretty.
Steph: You church had strippers.
Noble: Strippers are people too Steph. I'd be mighty wrong to ask them to join a different church. 'Sides the padre was their father.
Steph: Never talk to me again.
Brock: Okay now you rub her tits in your face.
Tony: (off screen) Brock Lesnar is a horrible person and he can burn in hell for all I care.
Stevie: (off screen) But he loves boobs and there ain't nothin' wrong with that Tony.
Tony: (off screen) He's a monster, Stevie. Can't you see him over there practically drooling on those young women?
Stevie: (off screen) I'd like to drool on them. I'd like to give them a taste of the slapjack because all the honeys like it and scream for more.
Tony: (off screen) Put that away, now. You should never play with such a vile thing like that in public.
Stevie: (off screen) Go ahead; touch it. I know you want too. You've always been jealous of my slapjack.
Steph: That's it, I'm out of here.
Brock: Great Scott, I got a softoff now!
Noble: I want to touch the slapjack.
Brock: No you ain't.
(exit Brock and company, pan over to Stevie Ray and Tony S, Tony is rubbing the slapjack)
Tony: It's so long and hard, Stevie. I must have it.
Stevie: Oh, you want it now Tony.
Tony: Yes, give it to me.
(Stevie thumps Tony over the head with the slapjack and Tony is knocked out)
Stevie: Everybody wants the slapjack but they only ask for it once.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

(Brock, Steph, and Noble walking into the lobby of their hotel/casino)
Brock: So even if you needed to eat Jesus to live you wouldn't.
Steph: You'd burn in hell for that.
Brock: But Jesus would want you to eat him so that you may live.
Steph: Jesus could just save you with a miracle.
Brock: I doubt he has a miracle jammed up his ass for emergencies. Come on he died for our sins so letting you eat him is no biggie.
Steph: Can we just talk about something else?
Noble: I miss my Nidia so much that last night I slept under your bed and masturbated until I passed out.
Steph: You little hick bastard! Now I need a new room.
Noble: You can just sleep with me tonight.
Steph: No!
Brock: Steph, he's lonely so just do it.
Steph: Fuck you.
(The Undertaker and his choir of the damned storm over the front desk at our heroes)
Taker: Dear brother I shall end you life now.
Brock: But I killed you with our father's ashes.
Taker: That was a swerve. In fact that was the ultimate swerve.
(Taker reveals himself to be Tony Schiavone)
Brock: I thought you were a little girl.
Tony: No you idiot. It was a swerve and the greatest one in the history of the world. In fact it's better then when your beloved Jesus faked his death. Now prepare to be made famous.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

Brock: You and your army of children can defeat us.
Steph: What us?
Brock: Me, you, and Noble.
Steph: I don't do fighting.
Brock: Ok me and Noble can take them.
Steph: Noble just left.
Brock: What?
(cut to Noble in some random hotel room jumping up and down on the bed, cut back to Brock and everybody)
Brock: Okay, I can do this by myself.
Tony: You wished you could. You see I know that I don't have what it takes to beat you so I've made some friends.
Brock: I know you don't have any friends.
Tony: I do so have friends. They're just always busy so they can't hang out with me.
Brock: Just keep telling yourself that and one day you'll believe it.
Tony: Enough with this foolish banter. Prepare to taste the fury of……….
Brock: You didn't make any friends.
Tony: No but I was hoping that you thought I did and would ran away.
Steph: What the hell is this even about.
Tony: When Brock defeated the real Undertaker I got the brilliant idea of impersonating him so that Brock would think he was alive again. Then I would reveal myself to Brock in a surprise so shocking it makes the Black Scorpion look like the Higher Power.
Steph: And the point of that?
Tony: To shock the fans at home.
Brock: What fans?
Tony: The people watching on TV. There's cameras everywhere taping your life.
Brock: No there aren't.
Tony: Oh, poopy sticks. I had the cameras on Glen Ruth. I got to go right now.
(Tony and his choir of the damned leave)
Steph: Now, we have to get the Undisputed title back.
(Vinnie Vegas and the kliq walk in)
Vegas: You want the belt, boy. Well you're gonna have to take it from me.
TO BE CONTINUED

[PTMidnite]

Brock: You may have work rate once again but you'll never beat me.
(Brock runs at Vegas, Vegas puts his hand out and catches Brock's head, Brock is held at arm length from Vegas and four ten minutes tries to swing at him but fells, Brock finally stops)
Brock: The belt's made him invincible.
Steph: No it hasn't. You're just too stupid to do anything right.
Brock: I do plenty of things right. Like the time I put that burning paper bag out and you told me not to step on it.
Steph: It was full of Al Green's shit.
Brock: Smoky the Bear told me to protect the forest. If I didn't put that bag out right then and there the whole fucking forest would have burnt down. Could you live with all those cute animals being homeless?
Steph: Just beat him already.
HHH: Steph just leave that loser and come back with me-ah.
Steph: No. When you had the Undisputed title you would share the spotlight with me.
HHH: I'm the game-ah. No one else but me deserves the lime life-ah. You know why-ah?
Steph: No, why?
HHH: Because I'm just that damn gay…..good.
Vegas: Dude, did you finally come out?
HHH: I didn't say anything and what is this "finally"?
Vegas: I always knew you were gay, Hunter.
HHH: But, I'm not a fudge packer Nash-ah.
Shawn: Then why did you always suck my dick?
HHH: I don't remember any of that-ah.
(while HHH continues to fruitlessly deny his true self, Brock Lesnar steals the title beat from Vegas, cut to Brock, Noble, and Steph outside the casino)
Brock: Now I can finally became a full blooded hoss.
(Paul Heyman on a 10 speed zips by and steals the belt from Brock)
Brock: I can't even win a little.
Steph: Not another season of this crap.

Brock Lesnar will return in Inu-Lesnar The Movie 2: Being a McMahon is Not Enough