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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 4, 2004 23:39:17 GMT -5
Usual opening sequence, set to Grinspoon's "Champion", starts us off. We go to the arena with He Hate Me in the ring, as "She f'n Hates Me" fades out, receiving a chorus of boos.
BW: Welcome to wOw Primetime! This here's ol' "Big Foot" Barry Windham...
HBK: And I'm "The HeartBurn Kid" Chris Dobbs, and it looks like our old pal, He Hate Me, has decided to grace us with his presence tonight...
He Hate Me gets on the mic,
HHM: Hey! All you New England Nutjobs need to pipe down!
(boos grow louder)
BW: He Hate Me not exactly endearing himself to this Boston crowd...
HHM: You are in the presence of greatness! You are in the presence of a true champion! And if it wasn't for your damn Patriots CHEATING last Sunday, I'd have the Super Bowl ring to prove it! I--
(HHM is interrupted as "Mope" hits. Silent Storm makes his way out, wearing a Patriots jersey, and carrying a mic.)
SS: yo wats yur problem man you dont like these new englund peeps?
(Big pop from crowd)
SS: mr smrt u dont look very smrt rite now you look like a fool to all the guys in new tork! u need to stop yur playa hatin lol! an im just the playa to come down ther and make u stop da hatin!
(Storm drops the mic and heads down to the ring, where he meets a beating from He Hate Me. Bell rings.)
MATCH 1:
He Hate Me vs. Silent Storm
HHM whups SS like a red-headed stepchild in a K-Mart parking lot.
WINNER: HE HATE ME
(He Hate Me gets back on the mic)
HHM: Now, what I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, is that I'm going to take out my frustrations on every single Northeasterner in wOw, and I'm going to avenge my loss of my Super Bowl ring! And there ain't NOBODY who's going to stop me!
(HHM kicks SS in the head.)
HHM: HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, PUNK?!
(HHM kicks SS again, than walks away. Cut back to Silent Storm, who pounds the mat in frustration before looking down and shaking his head.)
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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 5, 2004 0:17:02 GMT -5
(Scene: A darkened children's bedroom. Some tinkly, vaguely eerie music plays, as lightning flashes. Camera pans over the room, stopping on a woman in a chair, bent over with her hands in her lap. Camera slowly zooms in, and shows that she's actually cradling a knife that's stuck in her belly. Fade out; fade in on extreme close up of twin women. Fade out. Text fades in:
THE MERCY SISTERS
Coming soon to wOw
Fade out. More text fades in:
Beg for Mercy
Fade out.)
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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 5, 2004 14:01:25 GMT -5
(We come back as Jocelyn Richter enters the ring and "Dirrrty" fades out. "Rocket Queen" hits and Poison makes her way out.)
HBK: I understand Poison's got most of the locker room pissed off about how she handled Masked Female Jobber #1 a few weeks back, and that Jocelyn Richter requested this match for that reason...
BW: Well, we'll se how that goes fer her, 'cause she's up against one of the more brutal women we've had here in wOw for a long time!
(Poison does her pole-dance on the ringpost, then blows a kiss at the camera and laughs.)
MATCH 2:
Jocelyn Richter vs. Poison
Poison controls most of the match, with Jocelyn getting short, sporadic bursts of offense. Eventually, she rallies back, keeping Poison off balance, until she hits the ropes once too often, and Poison tilt-a-whirls her into the Thrash Session. Jocelyn struggles valiantly, but eventually taps.
WINNER: POISON
After the match, Poison picks up Richter, intent on continuing the beatdown. She manages to get her handcuffs on one wrist before Jocelyn starts fighting back, eventually hitting the 9.0 and flooring Poison! Jocelyn leaves the ring and walks back to the back, arms raised as "Dirrty" hits. Poison looks on with a supremely pissed-off look on her face.
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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 6, 2004 13:26:07 GMT -5
During commercial:
(Commercial opens of two guys, a big guy and a small guy fighting on the beach over a girl. The big guy beats the hell out of the small guy, and leaves with the girl.
Voiceover: Tired of this happening to you?
(Shots of Dan Hibiki performing his various moves)
Vo: It won't anymore when you learn the secrets of Saikyo-Ryuu Karate! Let the inventor of Saikyo-Ryuu and the champion of the famed Match of the Millenium tournament, Dan Hibiki, show you the secret techniques of this deadly martial art in this three-video series! You'll learn such maneuvers as...
(Shot of Dan performing the Koryuuken)
Vo: The Koryuuken!
(Shot of Dan performing the Hissou Burai Ken)
Vo: The Hissou Burai Ken!
(Shot of Dan performing the Otoko Michi)
Vo: And the legendary, lethal Otoko Michi!
(Cut to Dan wiping the sweat off his head and drinking water)
DH: Let me teach you the secrets of the most deadly martial art of all time! ORA!
(Back to beach, where small guy, now dressed in a pink gi, is beating the hell out of big guy. Cut to close up of small guy with girl, while big guy lies down unconscious in the background. Small guy gives the "thumbs up"
SG: Thanks, Sensei Hibiki!
Vo: Call 1-800-555-SAIKYO now to order this fantastic video series, for only 4 easy payments of $39.95, and stop being stepped on! That's 1-800-555-S-A-I-K-Y-O! That number once again is 1-800-555-SAIKYO! CALL NOW!
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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 6, 2004 13:33:30 GMT -5
As we come back from break, Silent Storm is intently watching the previous commercial. He nods a bit, then walks away.
Cut to Jim Neidhart's locker room. Dexter Hart walks in.
DH: Hey! I saw what you did last week! I had no idea you felt that way about me!
JN: I don't. I just don't like seeing other people get dragged into my messes.
DH: C'mon, man. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have been out in that parking lot chasing down those guys. I always knew that the Hart family was full of integrity!
JN: ...
DH: Hey! We should team up! We could be The Hart Foundation 2k4! Yeah, that would be so awesome!
JN: Dex...
DH: Yeah! Let's go out on the town to celebrate! I know where we can score some primo tail... after all, I GET LAID EVERY NIGHT!
JN: Dex, I've got a lot to think about right now. Please leave me alone.
DH: But, Mr. Neidhart...
JN: LEAVE ME ALONE!
(Dex runs like a bat out of hell)
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Post by HeartBurn Kid on Feb 6, 2004 13:51:20 GMT -5
As we come back, "Jammin'" hits as Inita Ho makes his way down to the ring.
HBK: Oh yeah! This is something I've been waiting for right here! We're finally going to see this bastard get his from a REAL competitor!
As Ho steps in the ring, HBK pulls out a mic and stands up.
HBK: Hey Ho! I've been dying to see this ever since you came back with that ricockulous gimmick! Finally, tonight, you're going to face some REAL competition! Somebody that can mop the floor with a wannabe like you!
(Ho gets his own mic)
Ho: Yeah right! I'm the best wrestler ever to come out of Samoa! Not only am I going to beat Roche right now, but come Impending Destruction III, I'm going to beat both Roche and Goddard, and then go on to win the International Title, and bring it back for my people!
HBK: You? Win the International Title? (breaks out into laughter) I'm sorry, but that's the damn funniest thing I've ever heard! News Flash, Ho: The International Title is for ATHLETES, not pieces of garbage like you! You could NEVER win it!
Ho: Yeah? You wanna bet on that?
HBK: You're damn right I do! I'll bet my spot right here at the commentary desk! That's right, IF you manage to take that belt at Impending Destruction III, I will quit my job as color commentator! But that ain't going to happen! You see, you are simply not the caliber of athlete that people like Shane Goddard, Finale, and John Roche are!
("Hells Bells" hits.)
HBK: And speaking of John Roche, isn't it about time for your match with him?
(Roche makes his way out and gets in the ring.)
MAIN EVENT:
Inita Ho vs. John Roche
Roche pretty much dominates the match, as expected, but Ho does get in some sporadic offense here and there. Roche finally puts Ho away with the Roche Trap.
WINNER: John Roche
After the match, Roche celebrates. Fade out.
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